In BARBER SHOP TALES_ FOR MEN, Marriage Matters, Our Journey

MAN_SUBMISSION SERIES – Part 4 Submission in Marriage

We always heap the burden of submission on the wife. Sometimes we demand it from them.
When they don’t agree with us or have a different opinion, we pull the submit card.

Oh, how it works, almost every time.

We want them to submit when we are right and when we are wrong.
We scold and crucify them when they don’t act submissive.
But did you know that submission is MUTUAL?
Yes it is.
We have a HUGE part to play when it comes to submission.

We are the ENABLERS.
We are the catalyst – the environment in which a submissive woman thrives.

So how do we submit in marriage?

We submit in marriage through HONORING her.
You honor her by regarding her well – and never treating her with contempt.
This means that the basis of your interaction with her is love and respect.

The angel that you saw the first time you laid your eyes on her is still the same angel 20 years down the line.
Some of us have an honor index. When she ‘behaves well’, we regard her with honor. When she doesn’t, we treat her like trash.
This should not be so.

Your perception about her is not based on her as an individual but as a wife and a lifetime companion.

As my wife puts its, submission has to do with the function and not a being. In marriage, no one has a greater worth than the other.
That’s the bigger picture. Put your focus here.

Secondly, we submit in marriage by acknowledging that she is different.
We embrace her femininity.
We come into terms with her womanhood.
You can’t live in understanding with your wife unless you know her – knowing her as a woman.

She is unique. Her needs are unique.
When you embrace her womanhood, you will understand why she acts differently from you. Empathy and love fuse right before your eyes.

Did you know that a wife is a reflection of the husband?
Did you know that the only person who can give a truthful account of who you really are is your wife? Yap.

We submit in marriage by acknowledging that her opinions have the same weight as ours. What matters to her matters to you with equal attention.
God created us differently so that one can complement the other.
A balanced decision is one that is made from the contributions of both spouses.
Every input, regardless of how obnoxious, outlandish or far-fetched it is, matters.

We submit in marriage through unconditionally loving our wives as the Word instructs us (As Christ loves the Church). In and out of season, the love I have for my wife must remain constant.

I am obligated to love her when she is all sexy, curvaceous and yummy. I am also obligated to love her when she forms figure D during pregnancy, other figures during parenting and fall in love with her gray hair together with the wrinkles as we age together.
We must give ourselves to God and secondly, to our wives, unconditionally.

Submitting to one another is not a new thing. It’s biblical. Read Ephesians 5:21.

Submission is not biased towards one spouse. Nope.

We submit in marriage through offering sound leadership with the whole family in the picture. Leadership is not selfish. We never walk alone. We carry them everywhere we go, in our hearts and minds.

When we don’t lead them well, we suffer the consequences just like Adam did.
Remember what happened when Eve gave him the forbidden fruit. They realised they were naked. When God came visiting and found them hiding, the first judgement was on him, Adam.
When we fail to lead, we fail.

You submit to her by making her your priority. It is part of your purpose as a husband.
When you LEFT your home and started a family with her, your priorities shifted from your clan to her.

She now comes first.
She is under your care and sustenance.
She came to submit to you.
You have no option but to put that woman first.
It does not make you a lesser being. On the contrary, it empowers you.

If you can’t do this, don’t wife her.

Your frame as a man has four dimensions.
A man is a son, a brother, a husband and a father.
God fulfills His purpose for you through this four attributes.
In every dimension, we exemplify Godly perfection through living a purposeful life.

We submit in marriage through perpetual pursuit.
She loves being pursued.
She enjoys it.
It brings out the best in her.
She wants to be wooed again every day. In every woman is a girl who want to be treated like a queen, regardless of the age and season.

Pursue her in courtship.
Pursue her in marriage.

Don’t be the kinda guy who recycles jokes. Look for other ways to please her. Be a better man by good grooming and staying fit. Dress up for her while at home. Brush your teeth Mr. Keep yourself clean. Upgrade her undies. Squeeze that butt from time to time. Spank it whenever it matches past you. It’s your territory. Rule.

We also submit in marriage through parenting. This is so because we do it on behalf of God. For us to raise godly children, we are obligated to submit. When we do this, we come to realisation that when a child does something wrong, they are first answerable to God. When we shepherd their hearts, it is unto the Lord. You can read more about shepherding a child’s heart on this blog. Hit the search button on top of this page.

Lastly, we submit in marriage by bolstering intimacy. The peculiar thing with intimacy is that it’s not selfish. It’s all about giving and protecting. Intimacy seeks to please and satisfy the other spouse. It puts a hedge around the spouse’s vulnerabilities. It safeguards.

For a man to be intimate with his wife, whether sexually, spiritual, socially and physically, it is essential for him to look beyond his selfish desires and be considerate.

Submission in marriage is reciprocal.
Let us do our part.

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John Munene

Born of God. Husband to the one and only Mary Munene. Father to a beautiful soul.

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Posted on January 13, 2021

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