The Bible opens splendidly with the marriage of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and concludes with the marriage of Christ and us- the church- in the New Jerusalem to come, to let us know that marriage and intimacy are very important to God.
There’s no contention about it. God’s desires for us, is to know Him intimately and pursue Him with oomph and zest just as He pursues our frail hearts. He never gives up.
Even the first miracle of Jesus took place at a wedding in Cana where he turned water into wine. The newly weds would finally get to their boudoir.
It’s not a coincidence that Jesus had to perform His first miracle in a wedding. It means something deeper than that Sunday school story.
This benevolent God breathed the Words of Song of Songs and explicitly put them down for us to learn, to glean, to be instructed by them in righteousness, so that we may be complete, fully equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17.
I strongly believe that every good work begins from our homes and extends it’s tendrils outside. Every good work begins with a husband and a wife, passionately pursuing each other, outdoing one another in great acts of kindness and love.
For how will they be known to be disciples of Christ if they do not have an unselfish concern over each other? This is what the Bible says, By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you have love and unselfish concern for one another. John 13:35.
Their expressed love, should be a culmination of what they have planted, and pruned, and all these, should be tenaciously sacrificial, through faith, by faith.
If we orient ourselves to the already hyped circus about SEX in these times we live in, then we will miss the glories of this precious gift.
If we however starve out our eyes, ears, mind and hearts from the world’s crusade, and a tune ourselves to what God says and would want in a marriage, and consequently the marriage bed, then we will understand why the earthly marriage posters for the one to come.
The glorious entourage of Christ, coming for her bride- the church, after passionately pursuing her even unto death. We will understand why the marriage bed is not just a bed, but a covenantal tool, and a one that wields power against the god of this world.
We will get our gloves on for the fight of giving.
When we understand the weighty worth and sacred significance of the marital bed, we will treasure and enjoy it even more.
The marriage bed isn’t a place of getting, but a place of giving.
It’s a place where we lay down our all for another. It’s a place where our impulses shrivel at the worth of another.
I think every person who is intending to get married, or is married, should move deliberately from the narrative of “getting” to “giving.” You aren’t “getting some”, “getting laid”, “gettin’ in” or any other crass form of description of this marital gift.
Getting is self-absorbed, it’s self-centered, it’s self-indulgent, it’s self-inclined, it’s self-seeking. Giving, on the other hand is other-centered. It puts you at the second place to your spouse. You give in joy, not begrudgingly, since you are well acquainted the fruit that’s birthed in acts of surrender.
Paul admonishes the married to remember that their bodies are no longer theirs but their spouses. 1st Corinthians 7:3-5.
That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be considerate of each other’s welfare or “posture” when it comes to our sexual relationship. We should.
Otherwise it would be very uncharitable to always put up that placard without being empathetic of your spouse.
However, the coin flips on the other side. Paul says, “think about your spouse too.” This is what it means, outdo one another in showing honor. In other words, I will try to honor you and you will try to honor me, and who will have the greater joy of honoring the other more?
It is a mysterious dance of love in the Christian marriage as we lay down our rights and our demands, especially in the marriage bed, and seek to outdo one another not in what we can get, but in what we can give.
Wives, a begrudging heart will say, “Well, well, get on with it and finish up quick, am tired, not today, not tomorrow, not the day after, I have a pulsating headache”, and the excuses will keep coming. Instead, love will say, “this is our joy, our becoming, our place of unity, I will treasure and enjoy this sacred moment.”
Husbands, a selfish misogynistic heart will say, “I need to satisfy myself! If she cannot satisfy me, I will get it elsewhere…I am a man, I have needs!”
Instead, a loving heart will say, “I will definitely move with her flow, her needs come first. I will honor her, by listening to her, taking her longings with me.”
Now imagine when those two share their marital bed? With such pure thoughts of giving and trading in their personal needs for welfare of each other, how can their intimacy fail or dull?
It’s impossible! It’s pure marital bliss.
Forget the lie of the enemy and focus on who God calls you to be in your marriage and the principle He wants you to practice in your marriage bed, and trust me, you will find something worth fighting for.
This is the miracle of grace. A sacrificial competition to give and it’s not affected by the law of diminishing returns! The more we give, the more we win, the more the marriage bed blooms!