In Singleness & Relationships


“Tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon.” Song of Solomon 1:7

The first time I wrote this words to my husband, he slept with his jolly feet up. My discourse both touched and excited him. So excited, that he could scarcely speak.

I was simply saying, I love your commitment.
See, i have an entrenched phobia for non-committed persons, because lack of commitment simply means that one could shift gears anytime.
So, in as much we were two highly egocentric people, or better yet, two sinners, we had a mutual pool called commitment. We bathed in it daily.

Having being in campus, I noticed the number of students who remained non committal to almost everything except casual SEX, “drinks”, hitting on so and so, while keeping track of the “clubs” they reveled at night after night.

I guess it’s the pressure to conform to the standards of the world, campus hype to be specific, and not really allowing the Holy Spirit to fully thresh one’s heart. After all, out of heart comes all issues of life.

I noticed that most couldn’t commit to a simple class schedule, a sport, a devotion, a church, let alone a relationship. Being non committal was a norm. The kind of people that are was always holding out for something better and don’t want to miss out on anything that might be happening somewhere else.

This instability cost them, “YADA.” The ultimate joy that comes from knowing and being known. 

Song of Solomon 1:7, says this: “Tell me, you whom my soul loves, where you pasture your flock, where you make it lie down at noon.”
In other words, wherever he pastured his flock, wherever he provided a place of rest, nourishment and provision, that’s where she wanted to be. Commitment is the word.

The Shunnamite woman wanted to commit to her suitor’s pasture; for her, the grass was not always greener on the other side of the fence. They were ready to tend to their own. Their vineyard was their own.
All lights were red, there were no second guesses, they were wholly committed.

It’s good even godly to feel a pull towards someone, but as you consider the person you are physically attracted to, look for a shred of evidence of commitment in his or her life. For instance, is he committed to a local church? How is her relationship with her family? 

Commitment to a local church is a huge consideration, precisely because there is no such thing as a perfect church as much as we have a pool of options to choose from. Churches are messy and full of sinners, hypocrites, rogues and neurotics.

Therefore, a church commitment proves that this person is cognizant of the inadequacies and gaps therein, but, nevertheless says, “I’m going to stay. I’m going to try to make this work.”

Even in relationships, and marriages that are equally thriving, there will always be the desire to run away from that which makes your heart uncomfortable. But, if your commitment is more important than the desire to run away, then it triggers the growth of staying power.

Proverbs 19:2 says, Zeal without knowledge is not good; a person who moves too quickly may go the wrong way.

What you should be looking for is a deep rootedness, or at least a deep capacity for rootedness. Obviously among young adults there is much that is in transition in relation to school, jobs and so on. 
But despite the transient nature of that particular season of life, are there signs of deep commitment in this person?

If there is no evidence of commitment in his or her life, I would caution you to move very slowly into any kind of serious relationship, or run!

God has hardwired us for commitment and companionship over and above sexual attraction or physical pleasure.
Companionship brings deeper joy and greater  pleasure than the mere SEX, or physical attraction could ever bring by itself.

Physical attraction with companionship in your relationship, will eventually cause misery; but when companionship paints on the canvas of physical attraction, then the relationship will by and large morph into something solid.



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Mary Munene

Totally sold out to Christ. Wife to my amazing John. Blessed to be a mother of a beautiful daughter and a handsome son. The Lord perfecting us in our daily walk! I love marriage in Christ! It's so divine!

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Posted on November 15, 2020


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