There was always this emotionally discordant couple in Campus.
They weren’t on the same emotional plane and even a blind person could see.
The man would work so hard to please the lady, buy her gifts, shower her with lavish stuff that none of our broke selves could afford then, yet she was never satisfied. Always giving her attention to every Tom, Dick and Harry.
On the other spectrum was a lady, head over heals over a young lad. Her nails would chip off scrubbing a full bucket of old rugged jeans for a man who couldn’t run to the tuck shop for her. You could find her sweating her face off as early as 6:30 am, carrying buckets of her “boyfriend’s” shirts to the hanging lines.
Thinking about them now, makes me realize that they weren’t entirely desperate for nothing, but it was for something deeper.
Their souls hungered for reciprocity.
Her acts of service was simply a cry to be loved as she loved him, yet, his eyes were too blind to see.
See, the decision to love and stay in love is the easiest and the hardest too. It’s as easy as simply feeling drawn towards someone and expressing it. It’s easy too because the thrill of being with your beloved is incomparable to nothing in this world.
Yet love isn’t as cheap as it’s pawned off. You cannot buy love, but you will pay the price for keeping the embers glowing.
It requires insurmountable leaps of faith, trust, forbearance, forgiveness, patience, kindness, hope, grace, and the list keeps getting longer with each passing day.
Even with those two distinct shades balancing on the same continuum, the calibrator is always choice.
God has given us the beauty of free will.
Although we cannot be in control of the future outcomes, the changes that plague us on the journey towards marital oneness, the hard truth is this, choice will always remain the truest factor.
This should go without saying, but in this current world, it probably warrants being said. There must be reciprocity in a relationship.
You cannot expect a love relationship to bud without reciprocity.
Mr, you cannot force her to love you the way you do. Her actions will be crystal clear if indeed you are moving towards the same goal.
Miss, in as much as you like him, you admire him, he’s your type of guy, you cannot force yourself onto him.
Most of us are so obsessed with the men we are crushing on that we dream about Jesus confirming our interest towards them.
I am a firm believer of God’s wondrous working through dreams, however, our permissive will works around the clock to grant us what we crave for.
Remember what James said.
James 1:14 But each one is tempted when he is dragged away, enticed and baited [to commit sin] by his own worldly desire.
We become so wrapped up in our emotions and desire for romantic fulfillment that we go beyond where our hearts are meant to and therefore sometimes take our bodies where they ought not go.
Most times the object of our attraction is more than willing to reciprocate in the way of physical intimacy but not in the way of Christ likeness and godly romance.
I implore you to this, it’s is not the kind of reciprocity you should look for.
Doing his laundry, changing his bedsheets, cooking, acting all “wifely” doesn’t change him a shred. Spending tons on her, getting into debts for her, doesn’t change the posture of one’s heart if, the initial goal was selfishly conjured.
Don’t simply look for someone who reciprocates the attraction you have for each other. If those feelings wane, would they still choose commitment and reciprocity over personal gratification?
If you are in a relationship that is emotionally exhausting and spiritually compromised, a relationship that’s a culmination of mixed signals and tears and confusion, I think you ought to get out.
If the relationship is wearying, life sucking, or lacks clarity and intention, or if someone is just playing games with you, hit the brakes hard, disembark.
The harsh reality is that it doesn’t get better over time, it gets worse. Familiarity will not breed better behavior. If reciprocity doesn’t drape out the lattice of your relationship, nothing will.