I dated a man that made me feel inadequate and insecure about my body.
He had no shame ogling at bigger butts than mine. I would catch him staring right at a life size bust swinging past us.
It hurt me so bad.
Voicing my pain only made our relationship worse. He told me that he was simply appreciating what he saw, and since I had little to show, I ought to have understood that was as simple as that. No strings attached.
(Little in terms of my body frame.)
He would then say, “am just joking.”
See, I was a size 6. I wasn’t physically endowed.
My bust and my butt carried the very description of faith in Hebrews 13. “A substance of things hoped for, the evidence of the unseen!”🤣🤣
My body, was as skinny and thin as the sword of the spirit! More like the unleavened bread.
So what he said struck a nerve and I called it quits. Trust me, it’s a major red flag in any relationship.
The sad part was even though I called it off, he had already disjointed some parts of me. I felt insecure to some extent. To a great extent.
Thoughts swirled through my head with a thousand “What ifs.”
“What if I had a bigger frame, maybe things would have been different.”
“Maybe I do need a bigger butt. Maybe a bigger bust.”
See if you allow insecurities, fear and doubt to cloud out what God has for you, then you will never believe that behind those imaginary dark clouds, is a table set with heavenly blessings, ready for you to indulge in.
What ifs’ gives no room for faith to root in.
Then came Johnny. Our friendship was so thrilling that I forgot how emotionally walled I was.
It reminded me of the Shunnamite woman in Songs of Solomon. She actually couldn’t believe that Solomon would be captivated by her.
She had toiled in the field, was sun burnt, parched, yet he stood jaw dropped in her presence.
When he proposed a relationship, I felt a tight knot down my stomach. I wasn’t ready for another cycle of emotional turmoil, but you see, a time comes when you need to know the difference between guarding your heart and restricting it.
You re-learn to take control over thoughts and talks that skew you towards bailing out of the good things God has promised, to all who live according to His purpose.
So I mustered all my strength and asked, “What about my bust?”
I think my question left him at sixes and sevens. Quietly he asked, “What about it?”
“It’s way too small!” “That’s it!” I quickly answered back.
He looked at me in bewilderment, and then he burst out a hysterical laughter.
I guess my sentiments amused him. He said, “Don’t you think I see? I saw everything, and I love everything about you, and I definitely love your grapes too!”
“Grapes” was the sweetest word I had heard in a long time, plus well, his tone was everything!
“Grapes!” That was it bruh! You are in! In my life! Those words, gave me a fresh start. I was not only swooning, but his words were life giving.
The rest is now! Faith revealed!
In Solomon 1:9–10, Solomon’s response the Shunnamite woman insecure self left no ambiguity about his intentions. He said, “I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots…Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels.”
He is simply said this to her, “You don’t blend in.” “I see you. When I look around, you stand out to me. You’re the one that my eyes go to. You are unique. You are eye-catching. I am drawn to you. You are not like the rest. Your skin is sun what again??? I love it!”
Isn’t this like water to a parched soul?
Theirs was a life-giving relationship.
He didn’t capitalize on her insecurities but instead brought the good news of his approval to her.
The deepest cries of our hearts so often can be characterized by a desperate desire for our whole selves to be known and at the same
time delighted in.
But often, we allow ourselves to circle around the same mountain, take the voyage of pain again and again, take in the toxicity of relationships we get in, just because we lack the courage to let it go.
No, you don’t need another reminder of how your body ought to be and you aren’t married yet, babies haven’t come yet.
No, you don’t need to be compared to the girl who has got a, b, c ,d going on.
You are unique, you are special.
Destinies, lanes, purposes, are shaded differently.
If that relationship isn’t having a life giving impact, move on.
Choosing yourself over the voices that demean you isn’t selfish. Infact it’s an art that should be unhurried, yet purposeful and reflects the values and the impact you want to make. It takes reflection. It takes intention. It takes planning.
It takes the courage to walk away from all that doesn’t breath in life into your soul.
Trust me, there will be a thousand distractions, a thousand detractors, a thousand demeaning voices, a thousand relationship rebounds and countless enticements that will bait you towards an escape route from your insecurities. Don’t use them.
Instead, see your insecurities for what they are: places where love can fill in the gap. Take the hard road of accepting yourself and love yourself enough that those insecurities have no option but to become beautiful.
Whoever will find you, will find you progressive, not stagnant, not held back by what someone said, or whoever couldn’t see your shine then.
God is still working out his master plan to perfect you, and even though you might be feeling walled right now, emotionally impenetrable, vulnerable, He’s making a comeback already that even the things that once hurt you will serve in making you better.
If doesn’t serve God’s purpose in your life, cut it off.
If it drains you out, uproot it.
If it has no life giving impact, sever it.
Trust His plan, which ravishes us with joy, peace, and love.
Give yourself permission to walk from the hurt of the known, to the bliss of the unknown.
Someone might just love your grapes too!