In Marriage Matters

30 days of gratitude: Day 11- Forgive him

Love always puts us at a precarious place, and hurting is inevitable. Our husbands can hurt our emotions so bad and forgiving them is almost never an option.
To anesthetize our pain, we put up emotional walls, we sink into our work more, we give our undivided attention to our children, probably our businesses or ministry – and yes, it serves as a distraction – only for rank of pain to ooze in our attitude.
Our attitudes change. We become easy to tip off, snarky, distanced, disinterested, moody and blue.
It’s more like taking a pill for a persistent headache instead of addressing the root cause of it.

Forgiveness is hard, and it’s your choice. I know this because our marriage has consistently and intentionally been anchored on forgiveness. Its not easy moving as one without forgiveness.
When your husband hurts you, you can either choose to keep yourself locked in the bitterness, or break free from those bondage, by forgiving him.

I was once there, holding onto every offense my husband did with my dear life. The more I held on tight, the more I bleed onto people who didn’t even cause me any pain. The more i held onto those offenses, the more i resented the man who i vowed to be with till our very last breathe. . . until i chose to walk the path of forgiveness. Not because he asked for forgiveness, but because i needed to be free. Free to feel the flutters of the little butterfly as it lands on my shoulder, and smile without feeling irritable.

Bitterness is birthed if you choose to hold onto transgressions and mistakes done against you. Resentment takes the high seat in your heart and contempt etches out its ugly strokes on your marriage. The pleasure of marriage turns into drudgery.

Yes, he might have cheated on you, flirted with countless of women, he is never home, always absent, dumped you for the strange woman, doesn’t take care of your children – I get, it is painful and unbearable.
But holding and brooding over those offenses will not mend your heart either.
It will not punish him – in fact, the wedge will be deeper and wider than ever before. It doesn’t mean that you will finally trust him, or he gets a through pass to your heart like before, it simply means that you relinquish the control to Christ to deal with his unbecoming behaviors and to mend your broken heart too.

By forgiving him, you say, “Am not responsible for you, but am responsible for me, and I chose to be free.”
Forgiveness allows your heart to say “I am hurt, but I am not held back.”

Do you realize that you have a lot of imperfect areas too?Don’t start another week without choosing to walk in forgiveness.
Make a step of faith towards de-cluttering your heart off anything that could aid as a catalyst in brooding bitterness.
Did he forget something important? – Forgive him.
Did he water your feelings down?- Forgive him.
Did he hurt your feelings by either being so harsh or aloof against you? – Forgive him.
Did he neglect you, disrespect you before your friends, his friends, your family, his family, or even your help – Forgive him.
Did he start a project without letting you know? – Forgive him.
Did he bring in his family without consulting you? – Forgive him?Did he abuse you physically or emotionally? – Forgive him?
Did he take a huge loan, used it, and now you are bearing the brunt? – Forgive him?
Did he dishonor your marital bed, cheated either physically or emotionally with your friends? – Forgive him.
It doesn’t matter how big or small an offense he did, forgive him.

It might not bring back everything, it might not restore the love nor the trust, it might never restore back your marriage, but it will restore back your heart, and your glow.
You will never be that girl who walks around shamefaced or feeling dejected, because the aroma or Christ will have saturated you again. You will not see yourself as wanting, but as daughter of King who has an equal heart to her father – a heart of forgiveness.
You will allow Christ to take lead, living without the expectation of perfection from anyone. It is not pessimistic, but gives us the freedom to love people through their growth process.

We must forgive our husbands today, so that the scars in our lives become symbols and beauty marks of God’s redeeming love.
A true sign of forgiveness is even when you remember their faults and offenses, you say in your heart and to your mind, ‘God’s grace is bigger than what you did to me and how you made me feel’. 
Forgiveness is a weighty call to choose honor above vengeance.

VERSE OF THE DAY: James 2:13 Mercy triumphs over judgment.
D.I.Y: Make an appointment with him over lunch, take him out, tell him, “I forgive you Hunnie. I have carried you in my heart for so long, today, I chose to forgive you.”
If not over lunch, make him a sumptuous dinner, put the kids to rest, then tell him the same – “I forgive you Hunnie. I have carried you in my heart for so long, today, I chose to forgive you.”
Go point:
Be gentle with your words, check your tone and voice variations too, above all, release him from your heart into Christ’s hands.

Lord Jesus,
I know you forgive my sins of omission and sins of commission. I didn’t deserve your mercy, yet while I was still a sinner, you became a curse, took all my sins and paid my ransom on the cross for me.
Lord, it’s hard to forgive. It is hard to forgive my husband. All I want and my heart cries out for is revenge and retribution.
All I feel sometimes is extreme anger and bitterness over the hurt he has ever put me through. Lord I need a heart like yours. A heart to forgive him, not because he deserves it, but because it will put me, and us on the road towards healing and mending our broken paths.

I forgive him Lord for all he has done. All that has ached my heart and he seems aloof about it, I forgive him. I forgive him for the lost time. I forgive him for the times he has not cared for my heart or my well being. I forgive him for being absent when i needed him the most. I forgive him for the tears he has made me cry during the night watch or at the break of dawn. I forgive him for breaking my heart into innumerable shreds.

Give me the courage to walk in forgiveness. Give me the courage to face him Lord and tell him that I have forgiven him. Give me the courage to release him to you. Give me the courage to shun revenge.

Lord, I don’t know where all these will lead to, but I trust in you now. I am tired on holding all these offenses. It’s burdening me Lord, making me lack my peace and joy. I need your yoke Lord Jesus.
Restore the joy of salvation unto me, and renew a right spirit in me. I give you my marriage, I surrender my husband unto you. Mold him as you mend my broken heart.
In Jesus name I pray.


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Mary Munene

Totally sold out to Christ. Wife to my amazing John. Blessed to be a mother of a beautiful daughter and a handsome son. The Lord perfecting us in our daily walk! I love marriage in Christ! It's so divine!

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