DAY 12: BE HIS FRIEND
The first time I saw my husband, I really thought he was handsome. I mean he was, atleast to my standards.
All bearded, chiseled, looking all macho and strong. It was easy to be lead on by my warped woshy washy turned on knees.
…but I didn’t. It was a choice not to. I couldn’t allow myself to build yet another imaginary castle with a man whom I didn’t really know.
You and I know that feelings are real imposters of the reality, more so in marriage. I knew how that road ended too well.
Friendship to me was as important as the commitment we would make in future. I didn’t want to settle down with a person whom I can’t laugh with, nor be tickled with my lame jokes – at least pretend to be tickled.
Our friendship mattered a lot to me, for it was the only way that our vulnerabilities would be exposed.
We were good friends, actually great friends. We enjoyed each others company, laughed a lot, ate weird things together, sat on railway subways, got diarrhea together after eating from the road vendors, our friendship budded into something so beautiful…our marriage.
He knew me, and I knew him, our personalities were totally stripped naked before each other.
I love my friendship with my husband. I miss him when he is away. I love our unending chats. I love our nocturnal hours, talking and giggling, hoping that we won’t wake up our little one. I love how we talk about everything under the sun. I love his sense of humor.
I love that he can face me and unmask my flaws without fear. I love how our friendship has survived our lowest points, and we can confidently call each other out.
Friendship is what really gets us to talk again especially when angry at each other.
Would I really want to lose our hard fought friendship? No! It matters to us. Friendship is what allows us to remain totally open and honest with each other – after all, we have each other’s backs!
Fellow wife, I know that you check up on your friends, go for coffee, lunch dates, hikes, round road trips with them, but the question is, do you invest the same amount of energy in cultivating friendship with your husband? Are you all out towards him as a friend?
Friendship in marriage is not only essential, but of essence too. It’s in friendships that we develop intimacy through interactions that have mutual giving.
Could you say that you are a friend to your husband? Does he consider you as a friend and a true friend indeed?
Life presents to us unexpected curves. The ordinary happens, ruts are almost always inevitable. But when we allow the ordinary to guide the best of ourselves, when we allow the mundane to suck us in, we miss the daily doses of friendship that spark up a marriage.
Doses that come in form of, “could we go out for lunch?” , “Do you want to watch a movie tonight?”, “I think you should shave your armpits!” – I mean, light moments. Just for gags!
Isn’t friendship its own miracle? Finding another person who makes the entire lonely world seem somehow less lonely?
Someone whom you draw from before going out to the crowd?
Let us go back to the basics. Let’s put friendship back onto the wagon of our marriages.
They are not just husbands, or fathers, leaders, ministers, C.E. Os’, managers, great farmers, astute business men, they should be too, OUR GREATEST FRIENDS – YOUR BEST FRIEND!
Get interested in his interests. Get interested in his hobbies too – even if they seem less important to you. Take the walks he has always wanted to take with you. Watch the football or rugby game he has always asked you to. Be his buddy!
Intimacy stems from a matured friendship. It will make it easier to navigate the tides of life. He can trust you enough with his wounds – Proverbs 27:6
Check up on your friend.
VERSE OF THE DAY: Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.
D.I.Y: Check up on him by calling him, texting him or skype calling him. Ask him how his day is and if he needs any help in anything. Take the evening to laugh at least. You don’t always need to discuss matters that make you cringe.
Go point: Be a great listener. Be positive, reach out to your friend!
I am here Lord knowing that you created friendships. You Lord, call us, your friend.
A friend is easy to converse with and talk to without fear or trepidation.
Lord, I pray that my friendship with my husband will continue to blossom.
That you will help me not only see my husband through his roles and responsibilities, but more so as a great human being whom you blessed me with to help me carry my hearts burdens too.
Fire our friendship Lord. Bring back our talk, our laughs, our time, and may all this bring glory and honor to you.
In Jesus name I pray.