30 days of gratitude: Day 13- Trust him


The marriage covenant is not only a promise of mutual fidelity, but also a promise of mutual trust in that fidelity.

Question ,

Do you always have the nudge to go through your husband’s chats, call logs, emails etc.? Then that means that trust is hemorrhaging out in your marriage. That said, it’s important for it to be addressed before the cracks turn into deep wedges.
The marriage covenant is not only a promise of mutual fidelity, but also a promise of mutual trust in that fidelity.

But trust in one’s spouse involves more than just an assurance that he or she is morally faithful.

We must also have confidence in each other’s integrity, intelligence, abilities, and potential. In fact, a lack of trust in the minor, daily duties of life can eventually damage a marriage just as much as a lack of trust in fidelity. The daily, nagging, criticizing, and withholding of support can weaken love until no foundation of trust is left.Look, our husbands do have it hard sometimes.

I do not negate the fact that there could be pressing issues that need to be handled, but how we handle them leaves a lot to be desired in us. If we happen to address them, we are accusatory, with lots of screaming, shouting and demeaning their efforts . Instead of dealing with the issues, we deal with “them.”
Of course, the Lord has given us excellent 6th senses, but we fight “them” instead of fighting what is ailing the marriage.

Remember Abigail? The Bible says that she was a woman of good understanding. We have to be women of good understanding. If you have to address the issue, ask the Lord to put a muzzle on your mouth, that you will not be abusive, abrasive, or quarrelsome, rather talk with sensibility and grace.
Words spoken cannot be taken back, they can only be forgiven. Do not be in a rush to accuse your husband. Ask the Lord to give you the right words to say. No matter how difficult the situation is.

A time comes in marriage that one needs to grow. We ought to learn how to fight fair. Don’t be all out to win an argument but lose him in the process. 1 Corinthians 13:11 says “When I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought like a child. I reasoned like a child. But I have put away my childish ways.”

Secondly, it’s important to know that having trust issues might not necessary be coming from him but yourself. If you have experienced heartache and never dealt with that baggage, chances are that you will project to him thinking that he is the issue yet it’s your heart.

Our marriage was hard in the first year largely because I hadn’t dealt with my bitter heart. I kept that compartment closed, thinking that my marriage would never be affected by it, but it did. I projected to my husband every time he let me down but he wasn’t the issue, my heart was.

Until I let Christ heal that part of me that I thought I had under control.
Shakespeare, in The Winter’s Tale, illustrates this well. The marriage of Leontes and Hermione, the King and Queen of Sicilia, breaks up when Leontes cannot believe his wife to be as good and gracious as she is. In order to revive the marriage, he is told, “It is required you do awake your faith.”

Do you have issues form the past that you haven’t dealt with?
Did your past relationships drain your esteem out?
Did they tell you that you will never be enough for marriage?
Did someone make you feel worthless and irrelevant?

Deal with your heart. Ask the Lord to help you overcome those feelings of worthlessness. He is able to. If you don’t you might put pressure on your husband to give you the sense of wholeness that you need to feel, always approve you, never make you sad or angry, yet he is not God. He will make you sad, he will hurt your feelings, he cannot make you whole. Only Christ can.

Last but not the least, trust extends from the biggest to the smallest decisions in our families.
Sometime back, I was still working in the office when my husband called. He wanted to know if I had left to go home. I told him that I would be leaving in a few minutes. He said that he needed something to be done, that required me to leave the office ASAP and go home. I said that I would leave in an hour’s time.

Of course being the sweet soul that he is, he said it’s alright. As I hang up the phone, the Holy Spirit whispered to me, “Why do you ask for my help and you cannot trust your husband’s “little” decisions?” I didn’t think twice, I closed the laptop, called back and told him that I have left.

Little did I know that it made his heart overjoyed. He spoke about it the whole evening. Saying how good he felt to be trusted. I would have missed the point taking it as trifle.

Many experiences in my own marriage have convinced me that couples need to create a bond of trust. I have found that trust in my spouse does not require that we agree in every decision—that is simply unrealistic.
It does mean, however, that I securely trust his efforts and good intentions. Then when differences occur, communication and compromise can take place in an atmosphere of good will and love. For both of us, forgiveness and tolerance have become important expressions of that basic trust.

Do you trivialize your husband’s decisions?

He needs to know that you can trust in him as your husband. It may seem irrelevant or insignificant, but his heart cries for your affirmation. That you can trust him in anything. If you think your husband makes “not so wise” moves, you have the Lord to ask to enable him make the best decisions for you. He is able to direct his heart towards the best for you.
Trust the Lord instead on his behalf. It will keep your heart at rest, and your spirit form fretting.

D.I.Y: Take a pen and write down things that you feel you are not overly confident with about your husband. One by one pray about them then set a time to talk about them with your husband. At the end of the day remember to say, “I trust you.”
Go point: Remember to be gracious with your words. Be sure you have the right atmosphere to talk about them. If not, wait until you have the right atmosphere. Do not be accusatory too.

VERSE OF THE DAY: 1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Lord Jesus,
I thank you for giving me yet another chance to demonstrate your love towards my husband. This time Lord, I ask you through the power of the Holy Spirit, to help me trust my husband. He may not do things my way, but help me know that he is depending on you, therefore, I can safely trust in the decisions he makes for our family.

Help me trust him and give me words to tell him that I trust him. Above all Lord, help my actions communicate that I do trust him because essentially Lord, am trusting in You on his behalf.

In Jesus name I pray,

We are John and Mary Munene and we love the Lord! Christ is our all in all! All we are is by God’s grace. Apart from having our individual careers, we are ardent bloggers, authors and misters of God's word. We have been blessed with two amazing children. A beautiful daughter and a handsome son. We love adventure, anything with lots of adrenaline is always a ‘go-thing’ for us! A cup of coffee next to a fireplace and a good book always does good to our souls! Hope you enjoy this blog!

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We are John and Mary Munene and we…