Our family backgrounds really play out their part once married.

My husband was raised by a single mother who was and is still so strong in her Christian values. She instilled godliness in them. She is the perfect example of a woman who stood and still stands with Christ amidst not so good circumstances and brought up her children in Christ!

He has grown up seen his Mom go all out for them. She was the provider, the disciplinarian, the prayer warrior, all in one.

I love her. My mother-in-love.

Then he met me, one who was brought up in a closely knit family, with a father and mother.

Despite our love for each other, our different family backgrounds played a big role in how we both viewed some things.

Dad was always a “go getter.” Mom did not even know how tokens are put! True story – until dad passed on.

She had to re-learn everything again. Not that she didn’t want to know or was passive, it’s only that dad was always on the move, making sure we are whole physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

He was a master class graduate in discipline.

We knew that our home had a father and order had to be maintained. Mom, was his faithful companion. They were a team. We couldn’t divide them.

One day, a few months into marriage, our window pane fell off and as usual, I expected Johnny to sprint out, get a pane and fix it ASAP. He didn’t. He instead got an old brown smelly newspaper and fixed it as a “temporal measure.”

I thought he would fix it the next day, but 3 whole days passed without saying a word about it!

I couldn’t take it anymore and I gushed out in pain. I was so frustrated by his passiveness. I reminded him for the umpteenth time about certain things that needed fixing!
I couldn’t take it anymore so I went and got a pane, and was ready to fix it by myself, until he saw it!

We clashed. We were like two bulls! I couldn’t take his passiveness and he couldn’t stomach my nagging. Who was wrong? Who was right? My frustrations worsened by day.

I couldn’t make him the “go-getter” I knew. He was never going to be my dad and I had to accept it very first. That expectation died a painful death. I killed it!

You like I feel that I was justified to be angry. I was…but there’s another side to this. I was to channel out my frustrations in a way that would provoke him to be better not bitter.

I was always demanding of him, and rarely did I cheer him on let alone appreciate what he had already done. I was the “pick it, pick it, point it” type of a girl. Seeing gaps first instead of what has been filled already.

So I asked the Lord what to and he told me to change my tact. He reminded me about Esther. I mean, the King hadn’t enquired about her for 6 months. I mean, who was he with for 6 months? Yet she held on until the Lord gave her a tact! “Throw a feast for 3 days!”

Isn’t our Lord a God of humor. Who would ever think that the King would suggest his Kingdom to be divided into half after eating in Esther’s courts for 3 days?

Esther 5:3 – Then the king asked her, “What do you want, Queen Esther? What is your request? I will give it to you, even if it is half the kingdom!”

We need to ask the same God to give us tact in dealing with husbands who may seem passive.

Challenge him instead of demanding of him to move in certain ways.

So I began praising him for the “most obvious” things like throwing trash away, and focused my energy off petty fights. I mean, what energy would it cost me to pick up his socks, put his shoes right, clear the sink off leftovers.

I re-focused my energy into challenging his strong points and clapping on.

Little by little, he inched up. He was fixing things without me saying it. He would fix the loose curtain lines, and I would clap. He would fix a leaking tap, and I would clap. He put his socks 2 meters from the laundry basket, and I would clap, he would put the dirty serviettes in the trash instead of putting them all in the sink, and I would clap.

The Lord did a remarkable transformation in him! I now have to tell him, “Hunnie, please slow down, come eat!” The journey has been worth it. But here is the catch, you have to challenge him to be better by pointing out at his strengths. Men respond so well so praise.

My challenge to you is to look for things that your husband does so right and clap on.

Praise him when together, praise him in front of your children, praise him in front of your parents and his parents. Praise him in front of his colleagues, praise him on the church pew then stand back and watch him transform into a knight, ready to slay any giant for you! He is running for gold gal! For you!

The issue here is not about encouraging him to be a lazy bum. You can either honk at a packed car and eventually, it will make you more frustrated, or go see what could be wrong with it – and help it get off the ground.

VERSE OF THE DAY: Proverbs 31:11-12 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will lack nothing of value. She will bring him good and not harm all the days of her life.

D.I.Y: Write down a list of things that you know your husband loves doing or is good at. Praise him for doing them. Challenge him to be the best at them. Clap on.

Go point: Do not belittle his efforts. Encourage already what he has been doing. If you feel there are gaps, remember to be gracious as you talk. A word of rebuke has to be laced with love. You are on the same team.


Lord Jesus,

You have called me to be a helper to my husband. I am the suitable helper to him therefore Lord you have equipped me with the right tools to help him get better and be the greatest man on earth.

Help me challenge him to be great at what he does. Help me be that favor factor in his life. The good thing that he got from you. Help me bring out that man from within that his cup will be full to the brim.

Help me be a source of motivation and courage to build him up. I pray for grace. I pray for tact on how to address his weaknesses. I pray for wisdom on how to talk to him. I pray that my bosom will be his comfort.

In Jesus name I pray,





We are John and Mary Munene and we love the Lord! Christ is our all in all! All we are is by God’s grace. Apart from having our individual careers, we are ardent bloggers, authors and misters of God's word. We have been blessed with two amazing children. A beautiful daughter and a handsome son. We love adventure, anything with lots of adrenaline is always a ‘go-thing’ for us! A cup of coffee next to a fireplace and a good book always does good to our souls! Hope you enjoy this blog!

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We are John and Mary Munene and we…