30 DAYS OF GRATITUDE; DAY 6 – RESPECT HIM.
DAY 6: RESPECT HIM
Still on lessons from my marriage.
Lack of respect. I have made that grievous mistake in my marriage once. Probably, you are here too as a wife.
My husband and I had divergent opinions about a certain project. I was sure that my way would work, but he too, was sure that his way would work. Unfortunately, we held to our four forts with such staid and unforgiving demeanor, that our perception towards each other changed.
We were competitors and not partners. It’s not that his way wasn’t right, but neither of us saw each other as teammates. We were rivals.
My first mistake was my “how to” approach. I did not articulate my opinions with grace and the wisdom that a wife ought to carry. I thought shouting it down, or watering it down will make him see my point.
The more my interest withdrew from the project, trying to shove my options down his throat, the more we became estranged.
The cost of my pride was estrangement.
The Bible says in Psalm 133:1-3, that where there is unity, the Lord commands a blessing. We were not united, not a single bit. The domino effect took a toll on our marriage, our peace, our happiness, and eventually, a huge financial loss.
Unity invites God, control invites the self.
Wives, I know we are gifted. We got the 6th sense. We feel things unseen. We know that a project might fail way before it begins. We see things ways before they happen –like a lady trying to flirt with your husband. It’s a great gift no wonder the bible calls us – homemakers.
But even as God has made us beautiful creatures, our external beauty cannot substitute our internal beauty. Therein lies the danger of being too pushy and overbearing. But then the Lord taught me again, ,1st Peter 3:5 – The imperishable quality of a gentle and quite spirit.
In a culture that fuels women to live in loud aggravation at their homes, do it all without their husband consent, walk over them, talk down at their “foolish” endeavors, the Lord calls women to turn the other way round. We think it doesn’t work, yet we are so adamant to put it into practice. His precepts sit well over culture and the changing dynamics of the world. Not vice versa.
Demonstrating respect to him, is as simple as articulating your counter opinion with grace, encouraging his endeavors as you pray that the Lord will reveal to him what might be the “blind spots.” That is unity that gives the Lord the space to work on his heart.
We are not called to be door mats. The Bible says in 1st Peter 3:7, that you and I are equal heirs of grace, this places us right beside our husbands, as teammates, not as a slaves.
However, without order, there will be anarchy, and the Lord God of order, gives our husbands the final right of decision making – hence, they are held squarely accountable for the failure or the prolific display of Christ’s goodness in a marriage.
Husbands are not excused to simply walk on their wives, or not listen, just because they have been given a role. It’s a sacred role, one that should startle them back to the feet of Jesus, every time their flesh wants to rule.
That said, we ought to respect our husbands. That is the language they understand.
However, disappointed you might feel on the once, twice or numerous losses both of you might have encountered while following your husband’s decisions, some of us need only one remedy, curing our “how to.”
Most husbands do listen to their wives who know “how to” address issues with grace. It makes them feel respected. His deepest longing is to feel respected by the woman he has chosen to stand by.
Does he want to get a new TV set and you would rather save? Find “how to” talk to him – be gracious.
Does he want to buy the latest phone in the market, while you have an old phone that needs “jumpstarting” and restarting often? Find your “how to”.
Do you want to invest in a, b, c while he seems aloof to it? Find your “how to.”
We have been graced with so much charm! How about serenading him, intoxicating him with your love until he surrenders! We all know our husbands ‘surrender’ points. I do not mean that you should manipulate, but show him your respect in the language his heart longs.
Find your “how to” to respect him.
D.I.Y: Demonstrate your respect to him by following his lead – especially in something that you two have not agreed on. Today, sit him down and tell him that you could have a different opinion on what he is suggesting about, but you trust his judgement(s), and you know that the Lord will guide him.
After that, leave it to rest, and go ask the Lord to reveal to him any blind spots that he might not see about the issue.
Go point: Be calm and excited on his endeavor(s), but most of all follow through with what he asks you to do. Ask him if he needs your input in that particular execution.
VERSE OF THE DAY: Ephesians 5:33, However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
This word is not natural for me. Its doesn’t come so easy Lord. You have asked us to ask for wisdom in dealing with the issues of life.
Here I am asking for grace and wisdom to respect my husband. It’s not easy following through things he asks – and more so when I have a different approach of things.
Teach me to respect his opinions and even go a step further of having the grace to support him as I lean on you on his behalf. Help me not to be push my way of doing things, help but demonstrate respect through following his lead – you hold the final card of changing his heart and his ways.
Teach me ways of handling our different perceptions with the grace of being respectful, yet with a tongue full of your wisdom and gentle instruction.
Teach me how to ask without being demanding and say without being arrogant.
In Jesus name I pray.