AS HIS HELPER
At this point my patience and lack of a heart of gratitude had led me down a red road called nagging.
Most of us dear wives, are still stuck on this muddy road. With a little help from our sore desires, a little push from the media, a little influence from our “strong, enlightened, no-nonsense female friends”, we are doing so perfectly in trying to assert what WE WANT in our marriages.
We trudge along, exhausted, dirty, bitter and tired that our marriages are not thriving, yet are so faithful to the enemy’s signs. The enemy has mastered the art of hanging love baits next to the signs – “Shout at him”, “Yell more”, “Abuse him”, “Silent treatment is the way to go!”, “Deny him his conjugal rights”.
“Point out more on the wrongs”, “Write a derogatory remark against him on Facebook”, “Stay out late, probably he will wake up!”, “Do not dare cook for him”, “He can as well press his own clothes!”.
“Ignore him”, “Smile not!”, “Give him a piece of your mind.”
He is hideous and treacherous at heart – his goal is for our souls to die.
I was there! Probably I skipped some of this signs but I sure implemented others! Especially pointing out every little thing that was ‘wrong’ – by wrong I mean, things not done MY WAY!
To the woman he said, I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire (Hebrew translation: teshuqah) will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
Teshuqah means –desire for intimacy and desire to rule, which I wouldn’t mind either or both! Would you? Who wouldn’t want to call the shots?
So, when I got to study the Word, those words hit me like a thunderbolt. They pierced directly into my prideful heart! “Lord why would you illuminate this dark corner of my heart so much!”
The Word literally tore me apart.
I had to re-read it again and again, until something new was birthed in me. Yes, we need a new heart as wives, to understand our place, as submissive women in a marriage.
Indeed, Adam and Eve fell. It was a fall, from grace to grass. From a place of rest to toil. Merriment to pain. Our (the woman) desire [teshuqah] was not only going to be for mere flirtation, but, for deep intimacy, a deep commitment to someone, which was innate and God ordained.
But that same desire, would make us prone to stray, and that very desire could stretch out further to ruler-ship, and dominion of a man – in a way the usurps his place and causes him to shrivel.
Have you seen women who use sex as a manipulating factor to keep a relationship? Have you seen women who use their seductive power over a man? Have you seen women who use silent treatment as a way of getting their husbands to do their bidding? I have. It is not new. Delilah did it, and so did Jezebel. Delilah used her seductive power to misuse the gifts of a man – Samson, and Jezebel, used her control, and bent her husband, Ahab, to sin before God – still misuse, for her own pleasure.
Both of them made two great men of God fail.
Both of them led two great men of God astray.
Both of them warped the beauty of submission and stepped outside the safety zone of God’s protection. Death was inevitable! Generations were cut off from experiencing the beauty of a man and a woman submitting to God and to each other in love, through Christ!
As we can see, this desire to ‘gain control over’ if not controlled by Christ, could easily move us into stepping outside the boundaries that God puts in a marriage.
We will be prone to nagging instead of living out in the beauty of what God wants us to be and nurture.
We will fail to live in the liberating freedom of Christ, as women who are keen helpers to their husbands. We will nag, manipulate, and coarse our husbands into our bidding. We will fight to keep relevant, yet the naked truth, in all this, is that we are relevant! We are important, we are known, we are loved, we are delicate vessels, not of dishonor but of honor.
God didn’t make us as empty gongs and aimlessly placed us in a marriage to just “follow” what our husbands say. He created us with a uniqueness that only us can carry, an oomph only us can ooze, and if tapped correctly, the benefits would surpass the generations to come.
When we talk about a wife coming in as a helper, most men have this myopic view of a wife only coming in to wash the clothes, press them, hang them, run by the market, cook, clean the dishes, take care of the children and be intimate with.
Most women, on the other hand, are shrouded with anger –mostly acquired anger – and get into marriage with their boxing gloves on – “to fight for their rights!”
While I do not refute that the above activities of washing and etcereta fall on the woman; not squarely but her nurturing role makes her predisposed to be inclined to home keeping, they are essential, but they are not the essence of her womanhood nor her femininity.
Her place is not of a slave, nor are you ‘lord’ over her as a husband. She comes in as one who empowers you to be the husband God called you to be. If you limit your wife to “how well she performs her duties at home” – then you are missing the point of her coming in as your helper.
Again, I am not encouraging laziness among the women. In fact, the bible tells us in Titus 2, that we should be keepers of our homes, chaste and self-controlled. Her essence isn’t limited to her roles. A marriage hits a snug when a husband and wife begin to view each other through the lenses of roles rather than purpose.
If men would understand the power of nurturing that a women bear, then they would honor their wives.
God the Father, God the Son and God the HolySpirit are described as one. They are one in essence. No one is inferior to the other, but all have unique characteristics. This is clearly demonstrated in how the three work in tandem.
See, after the fall of man, God the Father sent His only begotten Son to die for our sins. In a total act of submission and surrender, Christ, voluntarily laid down His life. The bible says that He lay down his life on His own accord – John10:18. No one pushed Him, but did what would please the Father.
Through the power of the HolySpirit, Christ raised from the dead and His name was exalted above all other names. Christ said that he will send us a helper – The HolySpirit – who will convict us of righteousness, sin and the judgment to come. With the help of the HolySpirit, as we pray, we connect to God, we hear from God the Father through the name of Jesus Christ.
God the Father sent the Son, who sent the HolySpirit to be with us till the end of time!
See how they work?
What I love about the HolySpirit as the bible records, he doesn’t glorify himself. The bible says that He glorifies Christ, and what he makes us know, is from Christ – who owns all that the Father has.
Here is what John 16:12-14 says – “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.
He will glorify me because it is from me that he will receive what he will make known to you.
All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will receive from me what he will make known to you.”
This is how God wants us to submit to our husbands as the helpers, and, who is better at the work of teaching than the HolySpirit himself! The HolySpirit is not only a helper, but a teacher, a faithful guide, and a comforter!
All that your husband has is yours and all that you have is his, including your bodies. Why should we then contend about “equality?” What sort of equality do we need that is greater than the liberating word of Christ who gives us our identity? What other identity is as captivating as a woman who lives and has her being in CHRIST? Isn’t the pursuit of ‘equality’ the pursuit of self?
So as not to sound anachronistic or subservient, and to make this crystal clear, we should all have opportunities to exercise our God given talents on earth. Anyone who stifles, tramples, or muzzles another doesn’t understand what love is –for perfect love casts our fear! Any man who mistreats his wife should actually be done what Christ recommended – ‘have a large millstone tied around his neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea.’
Husbands are called to LOVE THEIR WIVES! What is love? Love is patient, Love is kind, Love is long suffering, Love bears all, it doesn’t keep a record of wrongs…The Bible doesn’t give husbands a lee way to demand submission by exerting authority. That is dictatorship, not leadership. Dictatorship breeds fear, leadership breeds love.
What I highly abhor is the insistent hatred perpetuated against men by some feminists who claim to ‘fight for rights’ but in actual sense, they are not fighting for equal rights but are fighting against a God given order. Teshuqah – desire to control!
It’s a losing battle. Order is order. Even those feminist organizations have order and one still yields to the set authority.
Why is marriage any different? Why is submission fought? It’s because marriage echoes the reality to come. The devil knows that when a man and a woman fully submit to Christ and to each other in love, then Christ gets to be glorified. The enemy seeks to pervert submission –yet he too submitted to God until pride checked in! He wanted to sit on the throne and “BE LIKE GOD.” He loves glory, he wants it, but wants it through corrupt means.!
Your work, as a helper, comes in to aid your husband and to encourage him to be who God called him to be. In submitting to him, you unleash not only his full potential, but yours too –since you experience a peace that rests on Christ, and lets God move on your behalf.
You become set free from contending, and come to a place of fully focusing on your purpose.
Christ needed the power of the HolySpirit to raise from the dead.
The gifts we bear in the body of Christ are through the power of the HolySpirit.
We live through the power of the HolySpirit to glorify Christ!
I do not refute that there are husbands who are narcissistic and do not nurture their wives. Such a man destroys himself – Ephesians 5:28. But that doesn’t give us a caveat to be nagging, controlling and contentious.
The Holy Spirit advances the Kingdom of Christ and that is what the devil doesn’t want us to know. The secret to advancing in our marriage is submitting as helpers to our husbands – what the Lord calls precious, He holds!
In being rebellious to the husband’s God given authority, a wife seals her own fate to eternal damnation. She misses the blessings that await for her as she clinches hard to a “freedom” that darkens her soul and everything around her. Like the story of Snow White and the Jealous Queen, she gains the world but loses her delicate swirls – her tendrils cannot beautify!
The Holy Spirit is God too. In glorifying Christ, he doesn’t lose his person! He still shows up strong when we lift our voices in praise. He becomes intimate with our very being. He touches our hearts, he heals, and performs miracles that are vivid! Gifts are born in us, through the Holy Spirit as we worship Christ!
In submitting as a helper to your husband, you don’t lose your gifts. Your gifts explode! You get a place to “show up” just as the HolySpirit shows up! Your tentacles of love, gentleness, peace, calmness, understanding, spread out wide, holding onto the mundane as divine!
But then we get it all wrong, and do you do you know why?
We conform to the patterns and the standards of this world. We listen more to the crusades against men, instead of getting our ears inclined to things that edify us. The bible tells us to be keen in what we hear –Mark 4:24, and truly Christ knows that what we hear penetrates to our very souls. Faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God. Such truth is parallel to doubt. Doubt comes by sowing seeds of doubt through leaning towards the negative.
We bond more with stories of divorce, which marriages have failed, than bonding our hearts to marriages that thrive. Failure excites us, success is seen as a temporal show –yet there are actually marriages that thrive.
We hang around friends who indoctrinate our souls with statements such as, “a man cannot sit on me!” “Why does he need to get every glory?” “Why should I talk about my husband so often?” “My money is mine, I cannot share it with some man.” Such statements do not give room to the HolySpirit to teach us. That is pride. Pride keeps us from learning, from growing, from your husband, and from exploiting the fullness of your marriage, by keeping your heart away from the pummeling of Christ!
What is the antidote to all this? What is the anodyne to our prideful heats? The WORD!
The Word gives us a perfect way to tear down and uproot the works of the devil. We are to surround ourselves with godly women who not only teach us, but correct us in places that we seem wanting.
Titus 2:3-5 says:
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
It is important to be in the company of women who rightly divide the word of truth regarding marriage and godly marriages at that.
God isn’t interested in you pleasing your feminist friends who are often calling out on men. Most of them are struggling with themselves too. Their hearts yearn for a bigger purpose than just debasing men. Their insatiable hunger for control is essentially for God. If they found God, they would rest, in fully surrender of Him! For what God calls precious, He holds!
Your submission is precious to Him, he honors it.
Are you ready to be a helper?
Submission as wives in Christ…