Ezekiel 36:26

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

If we have to change anything, whether to a small or to a large degree in how we behave, we ought not begin on the outside, but on the inside. Take an example of one who wants shed off some weight.

The best way to start off, is straight on the diet. You cannot be hitting the gym every day and after sweating off enough calories, you pass by KFC or MacDonald’s, grab a packet of fries and coke and hope to get or keep tight abbs tight and a pert bum. It’s a disillusioned expectation.

You have to cut down the calories and all carbonated drinks. You have to check what you eat and in what portions. You have to invest more in alkaline foods, and plenty of water. That will help you cut down enough weight even before hitting the road. Nutritionists say that losing weight is 80 percent skewed on diet, and its portions, and 20 percent on exercise.

Can you see how those figures are? It begins on the inside-out.

Therefore, if we have to change what we think in regards to chastity and purity before marriage, in this highly saturated and oversexualized society, if we have to follow Christ without seeking the approval of our friends or the pressure of FOMO, then we have to allow the HolySpirit to transform and renew our mind.

The bible says in Romans 12:2 that we should NOT conform to the behavior and customs of this world, instead, let God transform us into a new person by changing the way we think. That way, we will learn to know God’s will for us, which is good, pleasing and perfect.

If we allow the HolySpirit to work in us, yielding every facet of our lives, then we will know that what the world pawns off, is cheap, its temporal, it’s a mirage, a crock-pot of sin waiting for us to jump in and assail our God given calling, talents and abilities.

See, the pressure we feel to conform to what is being done around, or how relationships ‘ought’ to be really doesn’t come from Christ. Much of it comes from the current society trends that sells sex as the ultimate measure of love. Marriage is termed as too banal for romance, so, enjoy every inch of each other’s body, after all, that is what is guaranteed.

But is it? Is that truly the measure of God in regards to love? He, the creator of sexual desires knows too well that feelings are fickle and no wonder he created marriage. An institution of permanency.

A place where feelings take the secondary seat and commitment takes first place. Why would you want to miss an “eat till you drop- all paid meal” for a one-time pottage of lentils like Esau? Exchanging your God given sacred right in marriage of splendid sex, for a one, two, three, or a wild rampage of sex that leaves you scarred and unloved?

The thing is, it’s not that’s “no”, it’s just “not now.”

Song of Solomon 4:12, “A garden enclosed is my sister, my [promised] bride— A rock garden locked, a spring sealed up.”

That is exactly how God views every relationship that has not culminated at the altar of marriage.

You are a garden enclosed. You are a rock garden locked, a spring sealed. You are not a dry land that doesn’t have those wonderful feelings brewing up.

You are not a scorched field.

You are a not a weary land with no water.

You are a fertile ground.

You have a spring running inside you, waiting for the day you will be joined as one. So that you too may partake of your waters and drink from your cisterns – Proverbs 5:15.

It’s easy to lean on our own understanding. It’s easy to trust our own feelings because its comfortable. And we love comfortable, don’t we? We love what tickles our emotions and what doesn’t stir our coop. The Lord knows so. So he tells us to guard our hearts with all diligence, for therein springs the issues of life Proverbs 4:23. He also tells us to trust in Him with all our heart, and lean not on our own understanding- Proverbs 3:5-6.

He gives us the power to will and to do all for His good pleasure – Philippians 2:13. So we should not feel at any given instance, overwhelmed by the virtue of chastity and purity before marriage. He gives us the power to HONOR the marriage bed and consequently provides the STRENGTH to keep it undefiled before marriage.

In a world where fame, gain and power comes before honor, the Lord calls us to do things contrary to the ways of the world. Honor is the path to your greatest pleasure.

Don’t tag yourself cheap, like a utilitarian diner plate. You are a one of a kind piece of art like fine china only that you so valued, loved and cannot be tagged at any piece. You are unique and no one can replicate what you do, not matter how close they bet they can.

Talking about keeping the sacredness of marital intimacy till marriage is easy, writing it out is easier, but living it as an example like Timothy was urged by Paul, is a whole different sphere. This is where strength comes in. The joy of the Lord is our strength and His joy can only be complete if we find it in Him. It takes strength to rise up in honor.

It is not easy peasy kind of thing. It comes at a cost.

Just like our salvation costed the Father His son’s blood. Paying our penitence with his sacred blood at Calvary, so it the fight to offer ourselves as a living sacrifice. Holy and acceptable before Him. It will cost you. It will cost you some friends, some relationships, adjusting time, saying ‘NO!’, fleeing some places, not showing up in others, and a whole lot more than you can imagine.

The Good news is that; Our weapons are not carnal. They are mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds 2nd Corinthians 10:4.

The Lord can help you if you are willing to change. The Lord can help if you willing to swim against the tide. The Lord can help you if you are willing to keep His temple Holy. This is not a guarantee of a marriage that is devoid of pain, but the Lord calls for our obedience regardless of “how we feel”.

He has never promised us a life without pain and adversity, but His strength is PERFECTED when we are most weak!

That is where is all begins. A change of heart and attitude towards sexual touching and awakening the very desires that should cultivated in marriage. God gives us every tool to use and the most effective is hiding the Word of God in our hearts so that we may not sin against Him – Psalm 119:11

His Word changes everything. Rely on the power of the Holy Spirit.



We are John and Mary Munene and we love the Lord! Christ is our all in all! All we are is by God’s grace. Apart from having our individual careers, we are ardent bloggers, authors and misters of God's word. We have been blessed with two amazing children. A beautiful daughter and a handsome son. We love adventure, anything with lots of adrenaline is always a ‘go-thing’ for us! A cup of coffee next to a fireplace and a good book always does good to our souls! Hope you enjoy this blog!


  • Emma

    I am so glad I read this. I have been having this desire to be in a relationship , mark you am in my late thirties, and I feel as if God doenst want to answer that prayer. I would really love to get married. I feel so lonely and vulnerable, like I would just give in to any one and any thing. But after reading this series, I know the Grace of God will hold me up.

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We are John and Mary Munene and we…