One Sunday evening, the traffic was so bad that I got to the campus quite late. Johnny was so concerned that he waited up for me at the main gate. We were ecstatic to see each other.

Walking to the hostel was filled with laughter and giggles.

It was overly dark around the hostel compound since the main switch was faulty. My phone’s battery was almost dead and we had to rely on his flash light just to keep our steps paced correctly on the footpaths.

As soon as had he put my luggage down at the entrance, he literally took off.

I was left in the dark, shocked, confused, wondering if he had lost his mind. I struggled to get to my room, banging my head at a couple of doors.
I called him a minute or two later. He was panting.
“You left so fast, are you okay”
He said, “Yes I am. Hope you got to your room well. I just needed to protect us.” He hang up.

I swallowed hard. That statement didn’t make any sense until I thought about it a minute later.
It was so easy for us to be physically intimate considering all the factors then.

I mean, It was pitch dark, everywhere, we were growing fonder of each other, no one would see us, no one would have kept account where we were last seen, but he chose to initiate purity.
He lead. I do honour him for holding it out for us because it doesn’t come easy.

The Bible says, that we should run away from all form of evilness. 1st Thessalonians 5:22. Form, appearance, any subtle hint that you could be courting sexual temptations.

See, sexual desire is really so good for couples pursuing marriage because
it bodes well for their sexual health, after the marriage covenant has sanctified and sanctioned it.

The Lord isn’t a prude on our sexuality either.

The Shunammite’s woman’s desire for her beloved grew because he nurtured her with kindness, clarity, and his godly pursuit.

He had put her in a sexually safe zone, and they were committed “not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”

This is the truth, it is not wrong to have a growing desire for sexual touch. It’s godly. Eros is a necessity and a godly essence in marriage.God doesn’t want us to have an ice cold marriage bed, full of boredom and drudgery.

He wants our fire to be forever kindled and fanned, whichever the season we find ourselves in.

We cannot embrace the beauty of sexual intimacy if we don’t understand the author and His fine blueprint.
The world doesn’t know God, so it pawns SEX off as a cheap commodity.
Have it.
Feel good about it.
Medicate on it.
It’s the antidote for loneliness and fill up the longings of a hungry soul. 

What a white lie from the father of all lies. That ancient foe, who roars like a lion, full of spite of the pleasures that the Lord holds at His right hand. SEX included.

So he corrupts it, twists it, and sells SEX as a frustrating duty in marriage, but a fiery passion without the confines of marriage.

You don’t need to tell God to make you like a robot, because He didn’t make you as one.  What you and i need is to ask for divine empowerment, discipline and strength to hold the honour that SEX deserves, because it’s a great gift that the world knows not of it’s value.

Outside of marriage, SEX becomes about self indulgence, an antidote to pain, self gratification and fulfilling personal desires.

Trust me, if indulgence in SEX is all you have in your relationship, then the ability to actually grow in legitimate intimacy dies off, without struggle.

You will stop talking, stop plumbing deep in to the depths of each other’s souls, you will avoid the hard road of learning to deal with misunderstandings.
Instead, you use sex as a means to an end and never get to the end anyway.

SEX before marriage is an ever increasing demand for an ever diminishing return.

SEX before marriage denies you the depth of knowledge of this person that you want to commit to.
It blinds you to other potential red-flags that could be glaring and makes you think that since you are both hitting it right, then the curve will remain as such. That could never be further from the truth.

Ask yourself, if SEX, make out sessions are not in your relationship, what are you two offering each other? Are you talking about your past, dealing with the baggage and the hope of a better future together?
What goals do you have?

Ask yourself, if this relationship had no SEX at all, what value has this man or lady added to me?

Am I being challenged to be better? Am I growing? Am I getting grounded? Are we using SEX to self medicate?  Are we using SEX to avoid the hard work of knowing and understanding each other? Is SEX acting as pseudo intimacy?

We need to have our gaze lifted.

We need to pursue Christ with every inch of us, have our minds renewed, Romans 12:2 , to a godly mind that so desires to delight in that which God delights in.

A godly mind that revels in rejecting the cheap substitutes pawned off on this passing age as true pleasure, and instead only finds satisfaction in what is purest and highest and noblest and best.

Are you two dating or courting in a sexually safe zone?

Build on depth, get your intimacy on. SEX will be good. No! Actually, SEX will be great!


We are John and Mary Munene and we love the Lord! Christ is our all in all! All we are is by God’s grace. Apart from having our individual careers, we are ardent bloggers, authors and misters of God's word. We have been blessed with two amazing children. A beautiful daughter and a handsome son. We love adventure, anything with lots of adrenaline is always a ‘go-thing’ for us! A cup of coffee next to a fireplace and a good book always does good to our souls! Hope you enjoy this blog!

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We are John and Mary Munene and we…