If Jesus saved these two egocentric beings, and sustained us through our first year of marriage, am convinced, beyond any shadow of doubt, that He can save anyone, especially from themselves.
Our first year of marriage was dark, due to our own paintwork of sins on the beautiful tapestry of marriage, but I also came to realize that there was another thing I personally didn’t have, GRACE.
See, if you don’t know how to RECEIVE grace, then you definitely wouldn’t know how to GIVE it, because GRACE is way too uncomfortable to fit in our self made cocoons.
Grace is implausible. Grace is not frugal. It’s extremely extravagant and lavish.
Grace is a gift of God, and it’s not given unto you or me because we are good. You and I cannot be good enough for grace. It’s not by our self righteousness.
The apostle Paul reminds us that it is “by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” [Ephesians 2:8-9].
I didn’t know how to receive the gift of GRACE from the Lord, and due to that, I didn’t know how to extend it to my husband even in the simplest of things.
It’s one thing for the Lord to give it unto you, and it’s another to partake of it.
Grace is antagonistic to self righteousness and pride. They cannot co-exist, and they cannot comingle.
My husband can narrate on well how I would rant out in anger if he broke a glass. Yes a glass!
I would spin off, if he poured tea down. Aha! You heard me! Tea!
I would be so flustered and totally red hot, if he made the gas cooker messy when making me tea. Can you imagine?
I could not see the gesture, I saw the fault! My kitchen is messy! The cooker is messy! How can he not be a little bit more focussed? How can he not see the tea stains?
But when I messed up, I expected Johnny to move on swiftly and not mention a word about it, let alone rebuke me, because he’s supposed to forgive and extend grace to me.
The vice versa in our marriage, was not acceptable. I held onto every irritation, with my dear life. Blood and sweat.
That is the pinnacle of a self-righteous modern Pharisaical Christian’s heart breed in with pride.
Did I even know the meaning of grace? Let alone forgiveness?
Take a minute and look into your marriage. Run a scan through it. A quiet introspection into your-self.
Do you become flustered over little things your spouse does?
Does your spouse have certain behaviors or quirks that irritate you?
Are you tired of trying to change your spouse to no avail?
Does your spouse accuse you of nagging and nitpicking?
Do you find yourself regularly losing patience and getting snippy with your spouse?
Do you assume the worst about your spouse or jump to negative conclusions?
Are you overly critical of your spouse?
Do you expect your spouse to read your mind, decode your body language or meet all your needs?
If you have answered yes to all these, then you have malady that only GRACE can heal. Accept to RECEIVE it first.
One little detail. One that sets the motion right. An encounter with Jesus at the well.
“If only you knew…” He says.