Do you know why there are so many married men in our current generation who are directionless? Busy but unfruitful? Working but never yielding fruit? Loud but empty? Grown but stagnant?
It’s because most of them pursue selfishness in the name of being understood in marriage, and never put in equal or more effort to understand their wives.
It’s easy for him to think that he’s always right and has to be understood and shuts down his wife. His logic and practicality of handling things makes him think that he’s without fault and needs no help – more so if his resolve is fueled by “I have always been good at this things”. It’s easy for him to dominate the marriage, by being narcissistic, arrogant, manipulative or aloof. Understanding requires the effort of really reading in between the white spaces.
Ephesians 5:25-27
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
There is a reason why God commands the man to LIVE IN UNDERSTANDING with his wife. It’s a daily walk towards perfection, that you – husband – just like Christ, will push your wife towards that level of growth and purity in marriage, that probably she would not have ever experienced in her singleness.
[ctt template=”8″ link=”GXI8H” via=”no” ]Understanding requires intimacy, intimacy requires a commitment and commitment cannot detach itself from decisiveness.[/ctt]
There is a reason why Paul extorts men to love their wives as Christ loves the church, that He might present her spotless back to the Father.
Christ presents her – The Church – back to the Father, after He has worked towards getting her being pure, clean and spotless! Christ says, “See Father, my sacrifices have borne good!”. Of Couse it’s just a paraphrase but it carries the same sublime message to all husbands and husbands who desire to carry the cross. How profound!
Look, that’s the kind of love Paul calls ALL the husbands to have towards their wives. That you will present your wife back to Christ better than you found her! Far more refined, and beautified by the incessant love and grace that pursues and understands her!
But do most husbands do so?  Have you seen wives lose their glow after the wedding day? More are stressed, many are suicidal, depressed, and literally go out to find temporal crunches that least help them bear the weight of the marriage on their already bent shoulder – Husbands who cannot beautify their wives!
The status quo has remained and sadly the world terms it as it’s “normal!” Can you blame the younger generation for having a myopic, tainted, untrue view about marriage? After all, wives are drained, husbands are exhausted. Who wants that?
Normal, indeed not normal, and what should be worthy are husbands’ who constantly work towards the perfection of their wives – that they will be closer to Christ in marriage more than they ever were while single.
[ctt template=”8″ link=”G7dvc” via=”no” ]Why are coming to me alone?” “Where is your wife?” He says. It’s a conjecture, but in essence it means that God knows no gap.[/ctt]
Husbands who freely give, faithfully love, put an extra effort to understand their wives, loyal and are un-wavered by the pressures of the world that turn their hearts and eyes towards strange women! It’s not normal for her to lose her glow after marriage! There is something husbands are not doing!
Totally concerned is our God that Christian husbands have to live in an understanding and loving way with their wives, otherwise, he “pauses” His relationship with him. “Why are coming to me alone?” “Where is your wife?” He says. It’s a conjecture, but in essence it means that God knows no gap.
Well that doesn’t negate the fact that there are cynical women out here. Women who do not bend with their husbands, or attend to their wounded ego. But the truth of the matter is, even with a cynical wife, your actions of grace, love, selflessness, understanding her and working towards her purity more than anything else, preach better to her than retreating to the faucet, fighting her to “win” or appeasing her by being passive.
Selflessness isn’t passivity. Christ pursing us and imputing us His purity costed him his life. He wasn’t passive about our sins, but he still didn’t bend the rules to appease our sinfulness. His law points our deficiencies; His grace inspires us towards change.
Putting all these into thought, what happens when God simply goes quiet? What happens when God puts a “pause” to the man, until he seeks out his wife? The man loses his direction. He invests on things that bring zero returns. He goes wild engaging in all sorts of debauchery, looking for that one voice that whispered clear motions to him when his relationship with his maker was unseared.
He thinks women and sex will fill the God hole, yet it’s an eternal well, a default setting of eternity that God put in every human heart, that only God can fill. God placed it there so that we will constantly seek Him for direction.
[ctt template=”8″ link=”ddR2_” via=”no” ]Selflessness isn’t passivity. Christ pursing us and imputing us His purity costed him his life. He wasn’t passive about our sins, but he still didn’t bend the rules to appease our sinfulness. [/ctt]
No husband can lead the wife without a direction and a direction needs the Director. The director can only be Christ! Effectiveness in ministry, family, work, life, sex begins with living a life of understanding with your wife. Seeking to work towards her perfection more than your own selfish desires or gain. As you seek her growth, you automatically grow.
It’s in serving your wife, loving her into perfection, that your prayers are made effective. It’s in seeking to understand your wife that the mystery of “how to love as Christ loved the Church gets revealed.”
To present a bride spotless means that you will constantly watch her out that she will not be tainted by the pressures of the world. You will constantly remind her of her value and worth to you as a husband. You will pick her up when she falls down. You will encourage her and empathize with her. You will pray for her and enjoy her in every season.
You will gently correct her, not by being harsh, (Colossians 3:19) rude or embittered. You will love her because she will be transforming each day towards the beauty that you have never envisioned. A beauty that radiates Christ in her.
It will be a marriage set for the glory of the Lord. The beauty of the once young love birthing intimacy, that INTO EACH OTHER YOU’LL SEE. A refined love full of the beauty of Christ, and a virtue of patience.
The wedding ceremony will not be the end of her superficial glow that she got from the make-up done by mortal men, but it will be the beginning of her unfading beauty, consistently being made radiant as she beholds the one whom the husband beholds. The Rock of ages!
Husbands should pursue their wives with a greater zeal than they ever did before. Living in understanding with her, living right with her, putting a great effort in knowing her needs, attending to her needs, listening to her, and knowing that she an heir of grace, a daughter of the King of the universe – so you should never demean her in any way.
Understanding requires intimacy, intimacy requires a commitment and commitment cannot detach itself from decisiveness.
Chose today to be as Christ. Love her relentlessly, live in understanding with her and watch your wife transform.!

We are John and Mary Munene and we love the Lord! Christ is our all in all! All we are is by God’s grace. Apart from having our individual careers, we are ardent bloggers, authors and misters of God's word. We have been blessed with two amazing children. A beautiful daughter and a handsome son. We love adventure, anything with lots of adrenaline is always a ‘go-thing’ for us! A cup of coffee next to a fireplace and a good book always does good to our souls! Hope you enjoy this blog!

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We are John and Mary Munene and we…