Is Marriage Worth It?
Alone in my quiet time, I ponder about my life. I ponder about my marriage, I ponder about my ministry and I find myself asking this, “is marriage really worth it?”
I wonder if all this is worth it – I mean is marriage really worth all this investment?
Is marriage worth the amount of effort and time we put into?
Is marriage really worth it?
After all, there are times that my husband drives me nuts and I can’t help feel enraged. There are times I hurl hurting words at him and he gets furious.
We are so imperfect yet still press on.
Is it really worth it?
Sometimes we are worlds apart. No one wants to sacrifice for the other.
So, is it worth it anyway?
Is submitting to each other really worth it?
What do we really gain out of marriage?
Is it about having the “married” status?
A bling on the finger?
When divorce seems too common nowadays and we are indignant about the sins of our spouses more than our own, is marriage really worth it?
When most of the married folks seem to look weary and tired from the daily rut they are stuck in, is marriage really worth it?
If more are jealous of their single friends, envious about their lives, wishing they could trade places, is marriage really worth it?
If more lose their spark and sense of purpose once they tie the knot, is marriage really worth it?
If life before marriage seems sweeter and better than life after marriage, is marriage really worth the trouble?
Can we find the happiness we so seek in marriage?
Suddenly the Lord reminds me of Himself.
Paul says this:
Romans 5:6, 8
While we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.”God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
He loved me that much, that while I was still not good enough, (and will never be good enough), He gave himself up for me.
Am I worth of His incessant pursuit?
Am I that precious in His eyes?
Am I that valuable?
What if He gave up on me?
Or loved me because I “did something nice to Him? “
Would that be love really?
Why did Christ sink so ‘low’ for me?
The Lord reminds me that while I was still a sinner, He died for me.
He loved me (and still does even when stray).
He pursued me(and still does).
He pressed on and did not give up on me.
We miss the Bull’s eye.
We miss the point when we think that marriage is just for fun.
We miss the point when we think that marriage is all about clicking.
We miss the point.
We miss the point when we think that marriage is all about happiness – because the truth is, sometimes, marriage doesn’t make us happy. I know my husband does not make me feel happy always.
God was kind enough to alert us that marriages indeed do have some trouble.
1st Corinthians 7:28
…But such people will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.
We miss the point when we think that marriage will satisfy our deepest longing(s) – because the truth is, our spouses fall short.
Then is it so worth it anyway?
Well, contrary to what the world purports marriage to be, the Lord created marriage to be beautiful.
Of course marriage has got it’s “poop” but the strength of the Ox outweighs it! – Proverbs 14:4
Marriage is good. Marriage is beautiful.
Marriage has a price tag called SACRIFICE – just as CHRIST DID!
The problem is wanting the fruits without willing to “plant”, “dig”, and “prune.”
The truth is, there’s no other tool, if used correctly, can draw us closer to the Father than marriage.
Our spouses, your spouse, should be used of God as a tool to draw you closer to Christ, and draw out the Christ like character in you.
A Good marriage, the best marriage is not one that’s without fault.
As a matter of fact, most of them are plagued with issues to sort at every side.
God created marriage in the garden of Eden and made it beautiful.
He saw that it was not good for Adam(man) to be alone and created another being for him.
She was the “bone of his bones” and “flesh of his flesh.” She was called the woman.
A good marriage, the best marriage, can only be achieved when two decide to be one.
To leave and cleave to each other.
A good marriage, the best marriage can only become profoundly beautiful when both parties focus first on Christ, for He alone can make a marriage stand out.
If you take your focus from Christ and focus on each other, then your spouses faults will be magnified far beyond what you can comfortably bear.
That’s is why God calls us to submit to each other out of reverence for Him.
The focus should be Christ.
I found that almost an year plus into my marriage.
When my focus was largely on my hubby, he became more faulty and dented.
His faults irked me.
His shortcomings were irritating, while I coated mine. After all, “I was only human. “
But when I deliberately decided to focus on Christ, Christ changed my attitude towards a couple of things, actually so many things and still does.
I grew in patience, in forbearance, in letting go of anger, in handling conflict.
He sorted my heart and sorted my husband’s too.
Compatibility may make a relationship good, fun and interesting, but only Jesus will keep a marriage healthy for a lifetime.
Only Christ can give us the eyes to see our spouses as He sees them. I can’t see my John the way Christ sees him if I don’t look at him through the eyes of Christ.
You see, from my own experience, marriage is not hard, sin is what make marriages hard.
The sin of selfishness.
The sin of self absorption.
The sin of centeredness.
Those sins that both parties bring to the marriage, and hold on to fast, makes the marriage hard.
When we are self-absorbed, selfish, and place ourselves at the center of the universe in marriage, everything gets hard.
The best marriages, are those marriages that both parties keep pursing each other, patiently, with forbearance, extending to each other as much grace as it can be extended.
Do you know why we vow “I do?”.
It’s because every day will be a time to show our spouses the Love that Christ showed us.
We “do” die to ourselves.
We “do” accept to learn.
We “do” leave all and cling one.
What can teach you about not keeping a record of wrongs, if your spouse doesn’t error? Marriage will.
What can teach you about forbearance, if your spouse doesn’t have weaknesses that you can bear? Marriage does.
The beauty of the best marriage is that it draws us more to Christ. The goal of marriage is for sanctification not just fun.
Your spouse will make you draw nearer to Christ, if you allow God to re-mold you.
I was never patient, and easy snapped. I was good at remembering faults but, I grew, and God used my husband John, to chisel out those qualities He found wanting in me.
Marriage, should ultimately reflect Christ and His bride – the Church.
In it’s purest form, marriage brings forth beauty, a depth that cannot be seen if all was easy and we wouldn’t need to “work.”
If all was easy, if there was no submission, or loving an ‘unlovable woman’ , then Christ’s death would never have had any relevance.
But it does.
He loves a church that doesn’t love Him equally, unless we are troubled.
He tells us to trust, but we fret.
He tells us that He is our present help in time of trouble, but we run to other gods who seem to answer is faster.
Yet, HE STILL LOVES.
Marriage makes you show the love that God has shown you to the amazing precious person He made in his image and likeness.
He says, “Love them as I have loved you!”
It’s not easy, and God doesn’t expect it to be easy.
There’s nothing easy in loving a person so full of themselves.
There’s nothing easy in forgiving someone who hurts you constantly and has no remorse.
God doesn’t expect your marriage to be easy – but he expects you to prove that indeed, you are worth the union, by obeying Him first. He will take care of the “major” things.
God doesn’t want you to seek a full satisfaction from your spouse – only THE LORD CAN FULLY SATISFY.
He doesn’t want you to idolize your spouse or replace His place with your spouse.
God only wants you to know that your marriage should reflect Him.
You marriage, should reflect His love to you.
Your marriage, should preach.
Your marriage should be worth it.
So is marriage worth it?
It’s worth every investment.
It’s worth every prayer.
It’s worth every tear.
God sanctifies and draws you closer to Him through marriage.
The fruit of obedience is what we experience, months, years in after completely yielding to Him.
Your spouse responding better to you.
Your spouse being faithful and true.
Your husband becoming loyal.
Your wife becoming submissive.
Your children obeying you.
All those are fruits yielded out of a close walk with Christ.
Marriage is worth it and it’s beautiful before all, and before the Lord.
My marriage has been worth it, not because we love each other so much, not because of any earthly gains – but because it’s been the best way I have served Christ. Every day, it has been, “MORE OF CHRIST, AND LESS OF ME.”
That my friends, has brought us so much joy, unfathomable and incomprehensible. A depth only Christ could teach this ordinary beings.