It’s said that two similar personalities cannot make a good marriage, but from our experience, your marriage is about you two, your choices and how you want to make it.
We both have choleric personalities in our marriage. We are still practitioners, not perfect and we don’t have answers to every dilemma that plagues marriages, but our reliance on the HolySpirit, has helped us overcome the grind that comes with this journey.
Marriage is how you two make it. It matters little about your personalities, however, you can choose to harness the strengths out of your individual personalities.
Our nature helped my husband and I settle in quickly towards a goal since it was natural for us to be result oriented. I loved that about my husband when we were dating. Our vision was easy to coalesce. He was highly motivated, and so was i. He has a very strong personality, and so did i.
There were no grey areas, it was either this or that. Moving forward was not without its challenges but our progress was steady.
As soon as we settled down. Those traits that were so endearing to me, began to irk me. I didn’t like the idea of “following” per say – it just didn’t feel natural for me.
Soon I found myself battling my husband in terms of ideas, whose was better, who would execute it better, whose results would be of a greater effect and so much more than I could ever describe.
Yes, submission was not natural for me. Following, letting go of my opinions for another, supporting a different idea that was clearly “off” to me was suffocating, if not stifling.
That was where all our problems began.
I talk to women about submission, not from a premise of hate, or being subservient, but from a premise of love. That you my sister, who would like to get married someday, might learn from my mistakes and scars.
The Lord taught me and continues to teach me so much about the beauty of a submissive wife. I realized that a spouse was not a countermeasure for self. It was not until the day I fully submitted to the Lord’s molding that he changed our marriage.
The gospel was the only antidote for my egocentricity and opinionated self. Look, the Lord doesn’t call you to cow down in your strengths –no- He only calls you to retreat from SELF. If it goes against the tide of Christ, then it needs to be uprooted.
Here is the line ladies, “Hunnie, thank you for….”
I have come at loggerheads with women who think that seasons in marriage remain the same all through. I can tell you with absolute certainty that habits, traits, even some characteristics are exhibited and change with certain seasons in marriage. One moment your husband might be well groomed and kept, the next, he might be shabby, sloppy and without ambition.
Will you quit your marriage since he’s changing? No. There are so many dimensions to look things at before you decide to call it quits.
See, we want the easy seasons but hard seasons are the ones that build. Hard seasons are the determining factors in a marriage. If you cannot build in the murk, you cannot survive the winds that howl up there.
The Lord dealt with my heart, because our mouths only speak of what the heart harbors. The battle had to be won in my heart first. I began to change my speech. I began appreciating my husband’s efforts even if our shades were completely different. It’s what colors a marriage. If we had to think and act the same, then what essence do we add to each other.
Mrs. do you appreciate your husband?
Do you say thank you for obvious?
Thank you for taking the kids to school? Thank you for shopping even they are different brands. Thank you for coming back home. Thank you for loving me in world that is so self-centered. Thank you for going to church with me Thank you for providing for our family. Thank you for making me breakfast in the morning…
It’s not obvious. Nothing in marriage is obvious. It’s sad that we major on the minors, the extreme trivialities, then minor on what is major –like simply appreciating our husbands.
We consider ourselves as saints, yet marriage is meant to sanctify both rogues and neurotics –and am sure we do not fall far from either of the categories, or worse!
Do not let your personality, or strong will make you the factor of death in your marriage, simply because you cannot see the beauty of the mundane. In God’s eyes, nothing is more valuable, more precious and more glorious then stepping down to serve.
Even when you two are so angry at each other, take the first step and say, “Hunnie, thank you for taking care of us…or thank you for…”
Having an attitude of gratitude towards your husband even when things seem dark will raise your gaze towards contentment. You won’t give the devil a change to whisper words of hopelessness in your marriage.
So go ahead and die again today! Attempt the virtue of gratitude, for even an attempted virtue brings light, self-indulgence, will make your marriage foggy.
Say, “Hunnie, thank you for….”