Am not sure that I wanted to say those words. They pierced through my heart like an arrow straight from the archer’s bow. I couldn’t breathe. It’s like I was choking out. I was shaking and my tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably. I was hurt, so devastated by our messy marriage.

If only my marriage mess could be fixed with Dettol soap, water, and a handful of paper towels. If only.

The devil on the hand was clapping hard. Am sure he was so enthralled to have thrown us into a deep pit of havoc –probably sitting down somewhere at his dark corner, sipping his hard liquor of hatred.

We were at the edge. Not only were we not understanding each other, but our finances too were headed south. I was not proud of my husband’s choices.

“I told him!” I couldn’t understand why my point was so bleak to see.

The devil was quick to whisper back to me, “Oh! Yes, you told him! Now remind him of his failures! He’s not someone you should be proud of!” “Why wouldn’t he listen to you? Don’t you see that this will be the trend?” “He will never listen to you; your marriage is doomed!” “Quit it! It’s easier than this!”

I let the devil strum his guitar, and I was almost singing to his music.

I became cynical, contentious, critical of every little thing my husband did. I was more of a fixer than a lover. Even that which was never broken, I tried to fix. I tried to re-align him to my “standards.” My way was without fault, his was never to be mentioned – and if it did, I was never open to listening to him.

As predicted, our marriage turned from worse to worst. There were barely no feelings of love, purely co-existence and bearing it through, until…until…

Until the Lord whispered his life giving words to me.

He said, “Mary, if I would be as critical as you are to your husband, you would never come home. If I was that harsh, never stooped my Lordship low enough to love you as you are, you would be doomed to damnation. If I was never cheering you on towards the mark of salvation Philippians 4:13, daily extending my unmerited grace to you1st Peter 5:10, you would never attain the crown of righteousness.”

“You should be proud of your husband, cheering him on even in his weaknesses, for that’s my specialty. I AM the WORD of ENCOURAGEMENT though you.”

“My strength is made perfect in you in your WEAKNESSES!2nd Corinthians 12:9

I crushed under the weight of my sins. His words illuminated the tangled parts of my heart, and my pride was exposed.

From that moment on, I asked the Lord for the strength to say, “I am proud of you Hunnie because…” even when he was at his worst. I still said, “I am proud of you” even when he made wrong choices – why, because I would need the same grace too someday.

Our marriage began reviving. His words breathed afresh in our marriage. I was no longer a cynical wife, but one who progressed on with a posture of humility towards my husband.

Mrs., probably you are like me then. You try fix your husband’s mistakes instead of extending grace to him in his weak moments. Strip down Mrs. I have been there, done that, and it will only aggravate your illness. You have the power of encouragement within you. He needs it more than your criticism and “daily corrections.”

Yes, love rejoices in the truth, and you should promote your husband towards godliness, but HOW do you do it? That’s what you should ask yourself – because that’s where we fail.

We become their mothers and not their wives. His parents had the instruction from God to bring him up in God’s ways, you have the instruction from God to love, and respect him.

Yes, life sometimes hands us thorns but we have the choice to park our mind on the thorn or on the beauty it can eventually produce in us if only we’ll cling tightly to God’s Word. How a person thinks is how they will eventually become.

If we dwell on and think about the negative about our marriages, we will become negative and God’s Word will have a hard time taking root in our souls. We will never produce the beauty God intends for us as wives. We will be decay to our husband’s bones instead of being their crowns – Proverbs 12:4.

If, however, we acknowledge the negative we have –pride, cynicism, harsh, bitter, critical, perfectionism and every ill we dare not mention- and choose to let God deal with those weeds in our hearts, God’s Word will take root in our souls and produce a lush crop of beauty.

Today, tomorrow, forever, chose to say, “I am proud of you Hunnie because……….”

You will be surprised, how much impact you will make in your marriage and consequently, your husband. I say, we have to die to ourselves!




We are John and Mary Munene and we love the Lord! Christ is our all in all! All we are is by God’s grace. Apart from having our individual careers, we are ardent bloggers, authors and misters of God's word. We have been blessed with two amazing children. A beautiful daughter and a handsome son. We love adventure, anything with lots of adrenaline is always a ‘go-thing’ for us! A cup of coffee next to a fireplace and a good book always does good to our souls! Hope you enjoy this blog!


  • Nonhlanhla Majola

    My sister, I am grateful to God for enabling you to share this powerful and encouraging message, it does resonate with me because I really believe that we have to be grateful for and appreciate everything that God has blessed us with , if we do not appreciate our blessings their value diminishes and we will never see the beauty in those blessings …….stay blessed

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We are John and Mary Munene and we…