Singleness to Marriage – GOD & SEX.

I love what goes on around me at work, in our house, in our marriage because I get to learn so much of God wants me to!
The daily examples that God presents to our lives gives us a basis of what we would want to share.
I love how my hubby puts it, “knowledge is acquired but wisdom is the application of what you acquired.”
Honestly, theories are only tested with time…and as much as sometimes it’s good to theorize everything, try listen from someone who has been there, done that and get a few pointers, then run with what works for you especially in marriage.
We acquired a new gas-cooker which is sort of cool because if you turn it on for a second and there’s no lit matchbox around it, it automatically shuts itself.
On the other hand, if you turn it for too long, like long press it for long, then light the fire, it blazes out so bad and it can burn you eyebrows out!
It came with specific instructions on how to operate it.
My hubby, being the macho man he loves to be around me, listened to the instructions but I can clearly say he didn’t pay attention to it! He had it all figured out! He said.
He went ahead, long pressed, then lit the matchbox. He even dared put his fingers all in as if he is lighting a jiko.
Shock on him! Never seen him jump so high and soon after there was a waft of burnt hair.
His hair on his fingers were all brown! Burnt.
As a wife, who is so caring, I was startled, checked him out, made sure he is alright but as soon as it was done, couldn’t help but laugh at the whole situation.
He did learn, and I did decide to be more careful too…but it taught me a lesson on sexual passions.
Sexual passions are so real and can blow off if you don’t heed to the instructions given by the Lord and it could most probably leave you scarred forever!
God isn’t against sexual feelings. No! He created them and put them there. For a particular reason and a certain season of your life.
He placed them there, they are pure, but there’s an order to which they need to be explored, just like the gas-cooker, because if you don’t follow the instructions, you will be burnt!
Lite the fire then turn on the gas! That was the instruction.
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Do not awaken love until it so desires! Says the Lord. (Songs of Solomon 8:4)
If you don’t adhere to the instructions, the fire will burn you up, probably at a small degree or forever leave you scarred, and He knows, the Lord knows. No wonder the boundaries.
Sometimes when someone speaks into our lives, and ends up hitting the rawest emotions we have, the best we do is defend ourselves, we don’t like it!
Chastity before marriage is one of those raw topics!
Who likes being chastened? In fact, most of us especially Christians, we go like, “Shhh that preacher man or woman is very judgmental “, and therein lies the problem.
We need to acknowledge that yes, there’s problem that needs to be fixed, and decide to grow up.
How about we get off from being fed by breast milk and endeavor to be weaned by the Lord and eventually chew bones because a 27-year-old cannot be sustained by milk alone!(1st Corinthians 3:2)
How about we crave to grow up and mature both physically, emotionally and spiritually that we will not be stagnant Christians!
You cannot ask for more responsibility and yet you are a child.
Even parents entrust grown up kids with more. Toddlers cannot.
That said, let me talk about a subject we only see glorified images on TV, with airbrushed men and women who speak to our lives daily saying “sex is love”, and what most churches shy off saying because it’s sort of “taboo.” …and if it’s spoken, it’s like an investigative topic!
It’s taboo and yet we ride in matatus full of sexual innuendos, there’s just sex everywhere so we cannot bury our heads in the sand and pretend that it doesn’t happen.
We even separate the older from the younger when talking about that topic because somethings cannot be “mentioned in the public!”
Yet those 9,10,13 year olds know more than we presume they know!
It’s time to speak the word of the Lord about sex in the Church without fear or trepidation!
It’s time to say the truth.
There’s more virtue to sex than vice if our compass is pointed to the true North who is Jesus Christ.
I know for a fact, that even when camps are organized and the youth attend, the success rate of getting them to understand about sex in and out of marriage is almost nil. Why, because the approach is wrong. We tell the young people of the vice, and not the virtue and beauty that comes with waiting on the Lord and the gift of sex in marriage.
Everyone stands on the pulpit and goes like, “Sex is wrong”, “It’s bad”, “It’s disgusting”, “it’s Wrrrroonnnngggg”…but you have to keep yourself for your spouse!
How ironic. How paradoxical.
Then the TV show will say “sex is love. “…that’s for another day!
Sex is evil and good? How?
Then they are left wondering, “Why should I keep myself yet you say it’s wrong Mr. preacher? While the programs on TV have fed us into believing that if someone loves you, they got to sleep with you!
I have seen ladies and men walk into marriage with the idea of sex being a “dirty thing” and instead of bonding them, it became the first issue because there was no real talk prior to!!
We condemn sexual passions and feelings in Church yet we don’t say exactly what to do with those passions.
There’s no real guidance. We say nothing!
Only condemnation! No wonder so many fall from grace and we still don’t know to get them back. Sexual passions are God given… They only become a problem if not managed properly or are misplaced!
Being single as I always say, is not a problem. In fact, if God gives you that gift, praise him because not so many can.
Paul was single, and though he tells us that he too was weak in the flesh, God’s grace kept him and his passions had a different direction.
We all crave for intimacy and to feel needed but honestly, but if you have not learnt to control your passions, you will blow up.
You will mess up!
Sexual passions therefore, need parameters and the only parameter that God offers us, is in marriage.
A moments self-gratification from premarital sex won’t satisfy you. It instead creates another void which needs to be filled again and again.
Feeding your mind with ideals of a perfect man, won’t fill you miss.
Defining the standard of beauty by the looks of a person won’t sort you out!
Passions need to be contained in a covenant relationship called marriage.
Only God can turn that fire on and keep it burning.!
Not your abs Mr. and certainly not your big butt miss.
Yes, you might turn someone on, but that’s just that, “false fire”, a lust. It will be on for just those moments to satisfy yourselves.
So when that is said, how does a young man or woman keep himself pure? How do you control all those urges and feelings because they are there and it’s okay to have them?
The answer is in the Word. The Lord. His word.
Proverbs 119:9;
How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.
You cannot fight the sexual passion by just being told don’t sin because the struggle is real.
You need to fight that fire you have within with the fire of the Lord.
If the chemistry is so real that you are sure if you two are left alone, you are going to mess, avoid that situation! Flee!
You got to run Mr.!
It’s the biggest struggle of any Christian. Male or female.
You can only fight it with the all-consuming fire of the Lord. Of course, you need to be willing to. Otherwise it’s all in vain.

Proverbs 119:11 says;
Thy word have I hid/ treasured in my heart that I may not sin against thee.

It’s only by immersing yourself in Christ totally.
Finding your identity in the Lord ALONE…and avoiding situations that could tempt you.
We all know our limits. I definitely knew mine when we were dating. If being with each other at 6 pm tempts you, avoid it. If being alone in his place tempts you stop going there sister! Meet outside instead.
…and it’s only by loving the Lord enough to say, “Lord I will honor you, no matter what the society says!”
If Christ doesn’t fix you, then, when you are single, no amount of sex will. You will still be looking for someone or something to fill that void. You will sleep with Mr. Universe, Miss world and still feel the void.
You will pull orgies, but you still will be empty.
Sex before marriage cuts you off from seeing the loopholes and red flags before marriage because all you do is meet and sleep together.
When will you both talk?
When will you begin asking those hard questions sister?
When will you begin seeing past her boobs Mr.?
When will you know his vision?
When will you understand her values and know if she will help you achieve your God given mission?
How will you know she won’t mess your life up and drag you from the presence of God if all you do is meet up and your little man keeps burning holes in your boxers?
How will you know if he won’t be a hindrance to your progress miss if you keep spreading up your thighs for him?
Temporal gratification! “False fire!”
Get yourself immersed in the Lord totally… because the Lord has a way of putting your heart at the right place, at the right time to connect you to the right person he has for you… And establish a marriage covenant with a fire that only Him can sustain!
It’s about being the right you!
It’s about the right covenant.
Follow the order God put that you will not get yourself burned. Sink in Christ and find yourself in Him and His word.
He will direct your path (Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight – Psalms 119:35). to the relationship He wants you to establish. A covenant, not a contract!
Then He will light the fire up and sustain it since sex is so in His will, and it is good and our God is not so prissy about it!
Then now you will clearly say, “I am enjoying my marriage” since sex will be in the permitted parameters of God. If you are waiting on the Lord, wait on that guy or lady, in Him!
If you have ever messed, God is a God of second, third and all chances you need… But you need to decide to change and faithfully wait on the Lord.

We are John and Mary Munene and we love the Lord! Christ is our all in all! All we are is by God’s grace. Apart from having our individual careers, we are ardent bloggers, authors and misters of God's word. We have been blessed with two amazing children. A beautiful daughter and a handsome son. We love adventure, anything with lots of adrenaline is always a ‘go-thing’ for us! A cup of coffee next to a fireplace and a good book always does good to our souls! Hope you enjoy this blog!

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We are John and Mary Munene and we…