I remember during our per-marital counseling I was told that a wife should be submissive to the husband. “Mary you should be submissive to John.” “Always”. The song didn’t stop then. Every time. I met someone older, they would repeat the same thing over and over. Did I like it? No! I didn’t like it any bit because it didn’t sound nice. In fact, it conjured up feelings of “slavery” sort of. I felt like Johnny will put me in a corner and all I had to say was yes! Yes! Yes! Without thinking twice about it. I didn’t feel that vibe any bit. Probably it was the way they were putting it. It sounded so bad, as if I will be in some sort of jail.
Well my hubby knows he married a strong willed woman. I would speak out when I felt aggravated and rarely did I let things jut pass. I would tell you off in case you stepped on my toes. Keeping quiet as things go wrong or not my way was never my forte.
He too is a strong willed person, couple that with a couple of things. He is a man, so the ego is there, and a military one at that! So he is hardened a million times more! Now, imagine two strong willed people married, who will take the lead?
So marriage happened, and there we were in our home starting a life together, which meant making all the decisions together.
I was so used to my independence. I was so used to having the say. I was used to running the show. Suddenly am to follow…how, I don’t know.
I remember when we moved to our current house, one of the window pane was sort of loose and I needed it reinforced. I remember asking my hubby to look into it and well, he agreed. Now, the problem was not that he wasn’t going to look at it, the problem was the execution pace. I didn’t like it any bit.
I found him so slow! I wanted him to spring into action as soon as I beckoned. ASAP! It aggravated me so much to a point of snapping at him! I snapped, he looked at me. I snapped again, he shrugged, I snapped even more, he snapped too! KABOOM!
The argument was heated!
“Who are you to push me around? I remember him asking me that question, and I was like “Say what Mr.!” “Say what!” “If you don’t know me, then let me spell it out for you boldly!” am Bla bla bla bla. It was ugly!
Imagine a window pane! Made us lash out words against each other, and well, we didn’t want to admit we were wrong. We were pointing fingers at each other, talking down at each other, not really submitted to each other. Two strong willed people, who will take the lead?
Trust me, for a while we weren’t at peace, I with my proud self and my hubby with his untouchable ego! NO ONE WAS SUBMITTING!
I know from my previous article, “CHANGE HIM LORD…OH WAIT CHANGE ME LORD!”…I spoke of how my change began.
I wanted him to change so badly and listen to me yet, the solution was right before my face.
I wanted him to be sensitive and caring to me yet, my attitude and heart was wrong.
I had to go back to the author of all marriages. The one who could teach me the true meaning of submission.
The bible says in Ephesians 5:21-33
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
The word submission doesn’t mean to obey. Children obey their parents. Wives submit to their husbands. Contrary to what many think.
Obedience comes with instructions. You are given a set of rules to follow, and if you don’t, you are punished due to your disobedience.
Submission on the other hand is a deliberate act, to willingly “line up under”, and devote yourself to someone, this case your husband. That he will lead, and you follow, as you support him.
Submission is not demanded. It is not a right. It is willingly given.
Submission does not make you lose your uniqueness or individuality as a wife, it strengthens it.
Submission is coming alongside your husband to uplift him and respect his God-given leadership.
Submission has to come from a change of attitude, especially of the heart, and decide as a wife, that you will willingly devote yourself and be under your husband’s lead, with no coercion or being held under duress.
It comes from loving your husband and deliberately deciding to be his helper as you follow his lead. It doesn’t involve pointing a finger or having a clause, “I told you so” when things don’t go in the right direction.
Submission is not blind obedience or slavish kowtowing to your husband every whim.
Submission is more functional than we think, it is not an inferiority of essence.
Submission doesn’t mean that you cannot suggest anything in your home. Love casts out fear. You shouldn’t be in a place where you cannot suggest anything to your husband. Fear is not supposed to be in a marriage.
So there I was, being taught of the Lord daily about submission. Mine did not come automatically.
As the Lord changed my attitude, so did He deal with my hubby’s heart too. I found it so easy to follow his lead willingly, and in turn I have enjoyed the full benefits of my marriage. !
With all the storms of life, he shields and protects me, he propels me to be greater and do more.
He is truly God’s gift to me…but it didn’t just come. I had to willingly let the Lord teach me to be submissive and not compete for that leadership role. It’s his. He has the authority and it’s God given. He is the face, am the manager.
A C.E.O cannot work alone. There is a manager somewhere working day and night to bring in results. That’s you dear wife. Stick to your lane!
If you are submitted to the Lord, you won’t need to shout your lungs out to your husband for him to listen to you. You will learn that the person with the final say in your marriage is the Lord and you will take your issues to the Lord in Prayer.
You will not treat him as a kid, you will not mother him, you will not snoop on him, instead, you will learn to give him to the Lord to make him into the perfect hubby you always dreamt of!
You will ask of the Lord to give you wisdom to deal with those things you feel that need to be corrected in your husband. For me, the Lord gave me a way. “THE HOTDOG WAY!”…and He still gives me more ideas.
The Holy Spirit is so good in dealing with our hearts if we let Him do it.
Remember Mary? When she got pregnant without being intimate with Joseph? Am sure it came as a shocker to Joseph. They were engaged! Trust me, they had a fight! Am sure Joseph didn’t just go like “Okay, you are pregnant?” “Just like that! Alright! Sawa.”
It must have disturbed him, until he finally decided let me leave he in peace instead of all the drama that comes with a breakup, since he was a noble man. Mary on the other hand tried to convince him that he was still a virgin, until she gave up and decided, “Lord, take over, I can’t do much.”
She submitted unto the Lord, and the Lord changed the situation and made Joseph understand that it was in HIS plan.
Most women who have a problem submitting to their husbands have the same problem submitting to the Lord. Trust me on that. If you find yourself having a problem submitting to your husband, check your status first with the Lord. Our relationship with God will reflect in our attitudes with not only our husbands and children, but with all others as well. Submission is not trusting your hubby first, but the Lord first. Pray. We think is cliché , especially when guys are newly married or all is going on well, until…
It’s until the storms that rock marriages happen and you realize, oh Prayer is not cliche! God is not cliche!
So instead of waiting till then, why not make a decision now? In your own strength dear sister, wife, lady, you cannot. It’s s impossible. You need God’s grace to go it. So where do you begin, check your submission status with the Lord first. Ask the Lord to change your attitude towards your husband and begin to act positively being a solid reinforcement to him. Pray for him and pray that the Lord will give you the grace.
Enjoy your marriage to the fullest! The Lord has taught me to be a submissive wife…and am proud of it! The fruits are sweet!