THE SEASON OF SINGLENESS – PART 4 – RED FLAGS BEFORE MARRIAGE
RED FLAG 2: BEING SEXUALLY INVOLVED BEFORE MARRIAGE
Prepare your heart, this is gonna hurt…but it will cure your ailing worth, NO SEX please! Till ‘I DO’.
I read a recent article from a well-known magazine that SEX before marriage, in fact, on the first date, would help “jump start” a relationship. I read it with utter sadness in my heart. If this is what is being perpetuated in this generation and of course by extension to our children, then we really need Christ urgently.
What do you mean by ‘jump starting?’. Are we that desperate that our hearts need a jump start like a car whose battery has died down? Are our hearts that thin?
Those who stand for purity and chastity are deemed old-school and antiquated, not moving with the current relationship trends. Too myopic I say.
If you want to know that you are missing the way of wisdom, check your purity status. What does it say? Are giving yourselves to each other without covenanting into marriage?
God’s greatest gifts to mankind, if left unchecked could serve as God’s substitutes.
The idols of the modern kind are wealth, power, sex, career, and SEX is the one of the greatest idol we have now. Ruling over the old and the young, the singles in the church and outside the church. It’s not a wonder that we have so many singles living their lives out in loud aggravation. So many get on social media, ranting how they are anti- marriage, how a man needs to fix your heart, and all the ya-da, ya-da for the umpteenth time! And the next thing, posting rings on their fingers, saying they couldn’t be any happier.
Couldn’t we be more dysfunctional than we already are?
SEX is such a wonderful gift from God; but it makes a horrible and a terrible idol, brutal and unyielding in the misery it inflicts.
Sexual attraction is God’s design, a perfect sign to you and your “suitor” that you are both healthy, functional and that your sexual organs were perfectly made by God. I would be very scared if I wasn’t attracted to my husband sexually and vice versa. It would actually serve as warning!
But it’s also so dangerous to pursue that road prior to marriage.
“So we shouldn’t be affectionate?” Affection can be shown in many ways that are not sexual. Well, if by any means, any form of physical touch arouses you sexually, why pour drops of fuel on a flame? The bible says that we should run away from all form of evilness. 1 Thessalonians 5:22. Form, appearance, any subtle hint that you could be courting sexual temptations.
“So I shouldn’t be alone with the person I am interested with?” By all means you can be alone, but in places that do not lead to both of you having your hands all over each other and down each other’s pants. Why go home with your pants all wet because you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself? Most of those little sexual triggers, even if no sexual acts are done, lead to masturbation, and masturbation leads to addiction and guilt. The devil loves that part. Guilt. Guilt is his stronghold.
Do you think that God created foreplay for the not yet married? No! He didn’t because he knows too well that sexual passion is like a bush-fire, brazing wildly and fast. With no parameters to guard it down, you will be left scathed for the rest of your life. Not only physically but emotionally, and spiritually.
Am talking about all those little acts that signal you are driving down the SEX freeway a hundred miles per hour – a little dirty talk, a little sex-texting, a little kissing, a little canoodling, a little privacy away from the public eye, a little foreplay – after all, there is really no penetration right?
You think giving into SEX before marriage is a sure way of keeping your relationship air-tight?How boo-hoo!
That SEX should be left to two-consenting adults? How cheap and pervasive? How low could we possibly sink to think God created SEX, so just get the stream off? We are clearly a society that is highly obsessed by relationships and SEX, but highly dysfunctional in following our Master’s humble instructions.
It’s not like SEX is a reward for marriage. It’s a covenant act that invites God to seal your marriage. After all, all covenants had a seal. In Genesis 9:13, the Lord made a covenant with Noah after the floods that He will never destroy the world again to that extent, and a rainbow was the sign.
So why do a life-uniting act without having a life-uniting intent? I charge all you in the season of singleness, do not awaken love before it desires! Song of Solomon 8:4.
SEX before marriage is an ever increasing demand for an ever diminishing return. SEX before marriage denies you the depth of knowledge of this person that you want to commit to. It blinds you to other potential red-flags that could be glaring and makes you think that since you are both hitting it right, then the curve will remain as such. That could never be further from the truth.
The devil sits at his dark corner, claps his hands, sips his cappuccino and a hot bun, knowing that we are unable to keep our hearts on guard, our zips up, and our legs together.
He hates passion. He did not create SEX. He definitely wasn’t consulted when God put a penis on a man and a vagina on the women. He hates it when a husband makes love to his covenant love, his wife, because the offspring born, will bear the message of the cross. They will be disciples of Christ!
So he perverts SEX. He misuses SEX in ways known to the modern world as “rights to express our sexuality.” Makes us think that’s it highly abnormal not to have SEX in a relationship, but it’s all a mirage. Nothing solid!
Ask yourself, if sex, make out sessions are not in your relationship, what are you two offering each other? Are you talking about your past, dealing with the baggage and the hope of a better future together? What goals you will have? Where will you live? Which schools your kids will go, and how will you both discipline them? Your finances?
Could you clearly talk about all these if his hands are fondling your boobs or her hands are down on your mojo stick? and more…
SEX defining a relationship more like getting a furrow land, and putting up a structure without a foundation. It may hold for a week, but soon, lizards, and creepy crawling insects find their asylum.
How shallow. No, How sad. Whoever told you that SEX is enough to show commitment lied. SEX, doesn’t mean commitment, more so outside the parameters of marriage. It simply means that he hasn’t mastered his emotions and you Miss, are an enabler, a catalyst. He will not commit because you let him get the boobies, and the cookie without him touching your heart first.
God doesn’t have safe SEX, it’s either ALL or NONE and both are in sacred seasons. In singleness and in marriage. I stand on His word. SEX before marriage robs you off the joy of intimacy. It clouds your judgement and so many things are left unsaid, and unattended to, thinking that sex has sorted out the heart issues! SEX outside marriage is more about gratification, not sanctification.
It’s a pursuit of self. Then years on, he says, “Am sorry that it has to end this way, it’s me, not you.” You are left broken, and the vicious cycle begins, living your life out in loud aggravation. Social media becomes your anodyne.
SEX before marriage will never be a life-guard against heart-aches, so before letting him get your pants off, let him pursue your heart first – and when he does, it ends up at the altar, with God being your witness, covenanting into each other through all seasons of life.
The Bible says in 2nd Peter 1:3
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.
You can live a godly life. You can wait. And if you both stumbled, you can still choose and decide to walk the path of purity again. Purity is achievable even at this day and age. Christ promises us that freedom. You don’t need to conform to #FOMO. Rise above it.
We need to have our gaze lifted.
We need to pursue Christ with every inch of us, have our minds renewed (Romans 12:2) to a godly mind that so desires to delight in that which God delights in. A godly mind that revels in rejecting the cheap substitutes pawned off on this passing age as true pleasure, and instead only finds satisfaction in what is purest and highest and noblest and best.
Intimacy can NEVER be substituted by SEX, not in this age!
What helped my husband and I in our singleness was dating outside the confines of the place he was crushing at. It was fun going for numerous hikes with him, all museums, seminars, movies, anywhere that the sun shone directly on us. We are both very adventurous, and that adventure could have very well extended if we didn’t intentionally put our purity first.
The temptation was easily subdued, but not with lots of deliberate efforts.
We also talked, agreed, and wrote down our commitment to God and to each other. We got our Pastor and his wife on board whom we were accountable too every step of the way. Went through pre-marital counseling for 1 year, had strict parents who kept us in check too with curfews. We had and still have a close knit of accountable friends who kept reminding us of our commitment. We also got a wonderful couple who walked with us all the way till marriage.
It was a hard commitment but am glad we made it to the altar. All I can say is that God is such a genius in making us wait to have SEX in marriage. It’s too great – of course you have to both communicate your expectations!
Prepare your hearts for marriage by building depth. The best way to do it, is to invest on depth. Simply put, preserve SEX for marriage. Build on depth, get your intimacy on. SEX will be good. No! Actually, SEX will be great! We love it!
Singleness in Christ…