The Silent War in Marriage = Silent Death

“And all the guilty ladies say I”….”The Is’ have it”!

We all know what we do!

He makes a “funny” comment, you go silent on him.
He didn’t hold your hand while walking, you went silent on him. He didn’t introduce you properly to his friends, you were all so silent. He sat down the whole afternoon on Saturday instead of helping you out, you went silent on him.
He didn’t do what you wanted him to do during the day, you went silent the whole evening.
He chose to spend his Sunday with the boys, probably was late…he finds you silent and cold when he comes back home. He got late on Tuesday evening, you were silent the whole night.

He is always seems to be distracted when you are talking, you shut down instead of communicating.
From the beginning of time, God said, Adam said, Eve said…It was said. God made us to communicate, to talk. I don’t want to belittle our feelings when hurt but does it have to get there? The silence? I know, silence is golden, and a fool sometimes can be mistaken to be a genius by keeping his mouth shut.
…but keeping quiet isn’t silence.

Silence is communicating too, but negatively. Silence, sometimes is the way to go on certain issues and in certain places, but in marriage, it’s one of the catalysts that destroys marriages. It’s like a malignant tumor, sort of like inhaling carbon-monoxide. I know this affects most ladies, and a few men (of which I totally find it strange!), who keep quiet in their homes for weeks, hoping that the silence will break their partners to apologize. Silence is a silent killer to your marriage.

There is death in prolonged silence.
In the current world, interpersonal skills are slowly degrading, and there is an epidemic on the quandary of making time for each other in marriage. Quality time to be specific, with your spouse. Now imagine “silence” and quality time doesn’t not seem to come quite often. How could you expect to have a happily ever after if the way to communicate to your spouse is giving them the silent treatment?

Let’s not confuse this, a calm spirit is never a hush or “ssssshhhh” in marriage.
Being unresponsive to your spouse, giving your spouse a “cold shoulder”, silence or ignoring them, can never work out a marriage.
There is death in silence.

Forgive me but I find it childish and cheap. A research was done on a couple of children a while back. The doctors found out that children were better of being yelled at than ignored. It’s still debatable but, at some point, the child is able to differentiate a right from wrong. They knew when mammy yelled, he/she had done wrong, but when mammy ignored them, they were not sure whether they were needed, loved or they had done something wrong.
Psychologists say, silence is a form of psychological and emotional abuse.

Well, I couldn’t agree more. It is a form of manipulation, it breaks any opportunity to communicate, and manipulation in all truth, always tries to assert total dominance over that current circumstance.
Manipulation says, “You WILL have to say sorry.”

I know ladies can keep quiet, but being quiet doesn’t mean that you have sorted your issues out. Silence sweeps issues under the carpet. The surface looks neat, but underneath, lies all sorts of filth. A man always looks forward to come back home after a long day hoping that the wife would accommodate him and he will have his peace. Then there you are girlfriend. Your mouth shut. You can’t say hey or if you do, you are so cold towards your hubby, after all he should figure out that he made a mistake, right?
He did a mistake, yes, but why can’t you tell him? You say he will overreact when you tell him, but have you even tried?

Suppose you have tried and failed, have you gone to the one person who trains him to love and respect you? Have you taken it to the Lord in prayer? Have you asked God to prepare him for what you will say?
Let me give you good examples of two women who had all the reasons in the world to be mad at their husbands and keep quiet but they didn’t. GOD gave them strategies on how to talk to their husbands. That’s why I still reiterate, God can still give you a way out on how to communicate to your husband no matter the situation. Unfortunately, we don’t ask.The problem is not that God hasn’t answered, the problem is that you haven’t offered any prayer to Him.
The first was Abigail.
The Bible says she was a wise woman full of understanding. She had a Bozo by the name of Nabal, but at no given time did she disrespect him with all his stupidity. He was a gruesome, odious, ignoramus man! It’s totally appalling how Abigail survived! I personally don’t know how she pulled it. She must have really been molded by God. I know in all honesty, in this generation, very few women can stomach a stupid man without disrespecting him.

Let’s recall that story. David protected Nabal’s sheep and in turn he requested for food for his men.
Nabal in his abhorrent, stupid and abominable self, railed on David’s men and this stirred David’s wrath. He was ready to kill them all. Abigail heard of David’s army marching towards them, calling for blood and vengeance. She instructed her workers to pack up presents for David and she went to meet him before he arrived. She took the blame for her husband’s stupidity!
Who does that especially if you are so tired of the man! Abigail did.

David’s heart melted due to her soft spoken self. Her Calm spirit was enough to turn David’s anger away.
Two things, with her mouth, she turned away a king’s anger, and she her mouth, saved her family. Her wisdom is beyond measure. Don’t tell me society has changed, the word of the Lord is constant. He is the same Lord. Same principles, yesterday, today and forever. She could have been so mad at Nabal for his stupidity, but she waited till sobered up and communicated to her husband on how she handled the situation.

She didn’t go off mad, or quit on everything so that his man could understand how angered she was? No, she didn’t curse, she didn’t stop being a wife, she didn’t go shouting at him at night, while pouring water on him. No!
She didn’t act “liberal”! She didn’t engage any silent treatment, she didn’t act as a perennial victim of the circumstances in her home, and she didn’t ignore him. She communicated. Of course, I think out of shock, or God’s punishment, he got a stroke and died. God dealt with Nabal, it was His work.

The second person is Esther. Esther being a Jew got a wind of Haman’s plot.
She was a queen, and could have taken matters into her own hands, but she didn’t. She could have been so mad at her husband for ‘being blind ‘ to his advisor. She could have acted like her predecessor Vashti, who got pissed, and refused to show up before the king because she felt as if he was treating her as an accessory, but she didn’t. She could have ignored the king, she had every right. Yet she didn’t. She prepared a feast of the king, got him at the right place, at the right time to state her issue. The king listened and he acted. How many of us can behave like Esther? How many of us can be like Abigail?

Communicate my sisters. Am not saying that you should shout, am saying communicate.
The Bible says, that It’s is not good for a man to be alone. You can be married but be alone. It is very possible to live in a house with your husband or wife but be alone. Communication is to your marriage what blood is to your body. When communication stops flowing, your marriage dies. There is death in silence.

Mr., communication is not yelling your wife.
It’s not scolding, it’s not an angry rebuke or reprimand, you yell, you intimidate her. The Lord is not a God who intimidates, so who are you to do that? It’s not in God’s will for us to live in fear. Mrs., communication is not shouting, it’s not banging the doors, or going quiet.
It’s to talk, and talk when all your nerves are calmed down.
It’s not manipulation, it’s not controlling your husband. It’s not denying your husband his conjugal rights! That’s is not biblical!
Silence builds invisible walls between you and your husband. Breaking them is another quagmire.

If you are in a relationship or are married, cultivate communication.
That either of you can be able to tell each other what you feel, what you believe, what you think, what you fear, what you prefer, what you don’t like, what you hope, what you dream, why you are reasoning the way you do, without thinking your partner is going to retaliate and belittle you for what you think and what you feel.

Remember, one of the primary needs of a man, is that he needs you to listen. Don’t give the devil a foothold. Don’t let him triumph in your home and in your family, because you are full of strife and bitterness.
Let him know when you are not okay with a certain issues, he might be a hardliner, but the Lord is above that, pray for him and let God give you strategies as He gave Esther and Abigail. Avoid silent treatment at all cost. If you are quiet so that you can calm down, that’s Okay, but don’t prolong it. Reconcile and move on.
There is death in silence, instead, court wisdom!
#Marriageworks #Godspeed

We are John and Mary Munene and we love the Lord! Christ is our all in all! All we are is by God’s grace. Apart from having our individual careers, we are ardent bloggers, authors and misters of God's word. We have been blessed with two amazing children. A beautiful daughter and a handsome son. We love adventure, anything with lots of adrenaline is always a ‘go-thing’ for us! A cup of coffee next to a fireplace and a good book always does good to our souls! Hope you enjoy this blog!


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We are John and Mary Munene and we…